IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Most people do not care enough about environmental issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #care
Environmental issues have taken a serious toll on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health and
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 atmosphere
while
Correct word choice
but
show examples
people
 do not take
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 in these issues. There have been no pivotal steps taken to save the deteriorating condition of the environment and I opine with
this
 fact that
people
 have no concern over the increased pollution and have played their part in causing it.
To begin
 with, environmental issues have increased over time and no person takes
this
 matter seriously. Since 2001, the air pollution index has immensely increased and
major
Correct article usage
the major
show examples
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industries and combustible cars.
For example
,
people
 have bought more cars in the past years and there has been no limit or any exception made on buying any vehicle. It is evident that
people
 have no idea how concerning
this
 issue is and do not care much about it.
Furthermore
, the increasing population with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge have a major impact on
this
 whole situation. To fulfil the
population
Change noun form
population's
show examples
 requirements cheap material things come
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 production and
this
 huge demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 plastic
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 with the behaviour of use and
throw
Wrong verb form
throwing
show examples
,
litering
Correct your spelling
littering
 the grounds and oceans.
For instance
, plastic takes around a thousand years to decompose and to add in, it has caused harm to both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
earthly and marine animals.
People
 throw away the waste anywhere or even burn
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 irrespective of its consequences. In conclusion, there are
people
 who do not give much importance to the environmental conditions and take no steps to save
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. I believe it is true that
people
 are not intimidated
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the concept of saving the environment and tend to be the cause of
further
destroying
Replace the word
destruction of
show examples
 the planet.
Submitted by abid.srm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While you have provided a clear opinion and conclusion aligning with the task, the development of your arguments could be significantly enhanced by providing more concrete examples and data to support your points. Consider referring to specific studies or statistics which could lend weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay slightly impedes the clarity due to occasional lapses in logical sequencing. Work on creating smoother transitions between points and ensuring that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritize
  • immediate needs
  • connect with
  • distant
  • abstract
  • economic considerations
  • growing awareness
  • active participation
  • initiatives
  • movements
  • impacts
  • well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: