The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
The line graph illustrates how many
books
were read by
men
and women at Burnaby Public Library between 2011 and 2014.
Overall
,
although
women read more
books
than
men
in the beginning
period
, they dropped significantly
at the end
of the
period
.
To begin
with, there were around five
thousand
books
read by women in 2011. The
number
of
books
rose gradually in the next two years and peaked at ten
thousand
books
in 2013, before falling by two
thousand
. Meanwhile, in terms of
men
, the
number
of
books
read by
men
was only three
thousand
in the beginning
period
given. The
number
grew steadily to four
thousand
books
in 2012 before soaring in the next three years. The
number
of
books
among both sexes marked the same
number
in 2013 with ten
thousand
.
At the end
of the
period
given, the
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
surpassed the
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
in relation to the
number
of
books
that they read at Burnaby Public Library.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
Vocabulary: Replace the words books, men, period, thousand, number with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • library
  • gender
  • reading habits
  • compare
  • significantly
  • trends
  • increase/decrease
  • consistent
  • fluctuate
  • period
  • summarise
  • graph
  • public library
  • books read
  • Burnaby Public Library
  • 2011 to 2014
  • male
  • female
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