It might be said that protecting the environment is the most important challenge facing governments today. How important do you feel this issue is? Are there other challenges which are of equal or greater importance?

Protecting the environment is a matter of utmost importance, particularly for states experiencing escalating damage
due to
pollution, human activity and construction. I strongly believe that governments should prioritize
this
affair and take proactive measures to safeguard the natural world. In the forthcoming sections, I will elaborate on the viewpoint, highlighting the need for action and proposing potential solutions. To commence with, a crucial parameter affecting the balance of the ecosystem is pollution.
This
is safe to say
this
has far-reaching consequences for both human health and the delicate balance of ecosystems. Take the ever-rising use of vehicles and airspaces throughout the country, especially in urban areas.
However
, if the state took
this
concern into consideration, we wouldn’t witness
this
huge amount of traffic causes emitting smog into the atmosphere. A
further
well-known factor to be taken into account is the point of overpopulation. A great deal of migration from poor, rural areas to major cities in search of a better job, not only depopulates the villages but
also
disrupts the order of the urban population. An obvious example is the Afghans' migration to our country.
This
has led to the unemployment of our workforce. The final impact on the natural world is the construction. Building up new buildings, high rises and other facilities in a short span of time sets a fine example. The use of machinery creating a decibel level sound is highly dangerous, especially for children whose academic performance could severely be damaged. Admittedly it is correct that safeguarding the natural world should be among our greatest concerns. Without coordinated measures and intervention from national and global organisations, the environment will undoubtedly deteriorate and continue to worsen and be an unstable place for us all.
However
, by focusing on
this
controversy to the exclusion of other issues, we run the risk of neglecting a wide range of other, equally important challenges. It is logical
to conclude
that to have a better and cleaner setting the above-mentioned three key factors need to be highlighted. So, both governments and individuals should have a joint venture by setting certain rules and abiding by them to save the surroundings.
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task achievement
In terms of task response, your essay does address the prompt, but there is room for improvement. Ensure that you fully extend your ideas, giving equal weight to the importance of environmental protection and the consideration of other significant challenges. Provide a clear, direct answer to both parts of the question, and develop a balanced argument throughout your essay. This will show a broader range of thinking and stronger task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Regarding coherence and cohesion, there is a need to enhance the essay's logical progression. While the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be more succinct and impactful. Aim for a clear thesis statement and tie your conclusion back to this. Moreover, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that they all connect to form a coherent whole. To improve cohesion, use a variety of linking words appropriately and ensure they accurately reflect the relationships between your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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