In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is an undeniable fact that
habits and lifestyle have changed from the previous generations. I agree with
statement completely since people eating fast
and using mobile and computers. First of all, eating habits will affect the
's health. It is important to note that current
commonly find the easiest and the fastest way to find
. Many ways to acquire
but one better and faster way is fast
or junk
, which is provided in every corner of a city
as hamburgers, pizza, and so on. It is important to become aware that
kind of
does not contain nutrition. Fast
uses oil and other ingredients which are harmful to our bodies. These edibles have high fat and calorie content which causes obesity and high blood pressure.
's lifestyle
leads to a lack of socializing with other people. More and more
nowadays spend time playing computer games in their bedrooms.
In contrast
habit has many disadvantages,
for example
, becoming addicted which lead to the lack of contact with their friend, and
getting sick because they never exercise. In conclusion, most today
's habits are eating and playing computer games which affect their health,
for example
, obesity. The parents are responsible for helping their
to prevent them from any kind of illness.
Submitted by akbarturdiyev06 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay largely maintains a clear position throughout the response, though development of ideas isn't always sufficient. You need to more fully extend and support your arguments to achieve a higher score.
Coherence & Cohesion
Overall, the essay exhibits some organizatiional features but tends to repeat ideas and lacks a clear progression in some parts. Attempt to use a range of cohesive devices and paragraph more effectively to strengthen coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: