Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, number of advertisements are focused on children for their own benefits like the growth of the company. Some folks believe it should be banned
Correct article usage
a
Correct article usage
a
while
others believe it has several positives such
as awareness of new products. However
, I strongly agree with the given statement due to
several possible reasons such
as the financial burden on parents, and poor dietary choices and the following paragraphs will elaborate on both stances with lucid examples.
To commence with, the first and foremost reason to disagree is that, ads for unhealthy food can cause a number of health illnesses namely diabetes, and obesity in offspring because of an easy target. 80% of teenagers, for example
, are suffering from obesity after consuming these canned bread regularly. Moreover
, they feel lazy while
doing their regular activities due to
excessive intake of junk food as well as
sugary beverages.
Secondly
, this
is not only an issue for offspring but also
for their parents as they are demanding extra pocket money to spend on these items. After seeing the new game, to illustrate, they are forcing their guardians to buy for them which can cause a financial burden on their parents. Furthermore
, after watching ads on
illegal products, they feel the urge to try them which become one of the main reasons for teenagers' death like an overdose of cannabis.
Change preposition
for
To conclude
, there is no doubt that having advertisements has some merits such
as awareness. Nevertheless
, it has more cons such
as poor intake of food in youngsters and parent's stress due to
high expenses. Although
, the government can still continue with the ads that could be helpful for children namely advertisements on books.Submitted by buttargurpinder73 on
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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the position could have been developed further with more depth and nuance. It is important to fully explore all parts of the task to ensure a higher Task Achievement score.
coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains a logical structure, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and paragraphing could be used more effectively to separate different points. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more naturally.
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