Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?
In
early
days most dependent on their parents Correct article usage
the early
behind
Change preposition
apply
children
are not well equiped
with Correct your spelling
equipped
skills
to do men's Correct article usage
the skills
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
although
, school
should encourage them to do part-time jobs Fix the agreement mistake
schools
while
attending classes. This
essay will discuss the reasons why i
completely disagree with pushing Change the capitalization
I
children
to work
at young
age despite getting Add an article
a young
quality
education
To commence with, Add an article
a quality
student
who Add an article
a student
the student
indulge
themselves Change the verb form
indulges
into
Change preposition
in
work
at early
stage have a chance to succeed quickly Add an article
an early
This
is because they find themselves under the wings of many senior professionals who works daily with same
skills and occupation Correct article usage
the same
thus
, may find it easier for them to work
and learn to polish their work
experiences additionally
it may also
reduce the chances of being burden
on parents Add an article
a burden
maoney
for Correct your spelling
money
insntace
, take elon musk as an example who design and Correct your spelling
instance
manufacturemany
small businesses before becoming billionaire Correct your spelling
manufacture many
hence
, teenager
may adopt skills and communication techniques and become the foundation of Add an article
a teenager
the teenager
organization
on the other Add an article
the organization
an organization
hands
, Fix the agreement mistake
hand
children
who do out
Change preposition
apply
of school
jobs may affected by Add a hyphen
of-school
mental
disorder Add an article
the mental
in other words
, if they work
regularly from nine to five, then
they will be deprived of sleep and day to day
chores and become difficult to concentrate on Add a hyphen
day-to-day
studies
even though, most prefer their off-spring to have Correct pronoun usage
their studies
taste
of physical Add an article
a taste
the taste
work
without knowledge yet they dont
know the consequences after it Correct your spelling
do not
for example
, acccording
to report of "TIME INDIA" 45% of teenagers from rural areas are struck by insomnia which Correct your spelling
according
affect
their mind and physical shape Change the verb form
affects
due to
work
experience at Add an article
a younge
younge
age. so, Correct your spelling
young
younger
for
this
reason
parents must know knowledge and qualification are two Add a comma
reason,
factor
to succeed in life
Change to a plural noun
factors
to conclude
, all and all job experience early part-time job on the shoulder of children
may reduce their effectiveness on
studying.I strongly Change preposition
in
believed
that Wrong verb form
believe
Correct your spelling
student
stident
qualification is far more crucial and significant for Correct your spelling
student
Correct your spelling
their
thier
future aheadCorrect your spelling
their
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a limited logical structure, with ideas being presented in a somewhat disorganized manner. To improve, it is vital to create a clear outline prior to writing, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and logically follows the previous one. Transition words should also be utilized to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but both lack clarity and a full exploration of the topic. Remember that the introduction should present the topic and clearly state your position, and the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion. Further development of these sections will enhance your essay's effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
While the main points have some support, the arguments and examples provided are weak and occasionally difficult to follow. It is crucial to expand on these points by providing specific, relevant examples and detailed explanations to back up your assertions. This allows the reader to understand and be persuaded by your perspective.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but the ideas lack clarity and full comprehension of the topic. Aim to directly address the question and ensure each paragraph contributes to answering it. There should be a clear stance throughout, with arguments that consistently support your opinion.
task achievement
The ideas presented are not always clear or comprehensive. To improve, focus on developing each idea thoroughly before moving on to the next. Use clear and concise language to articulate your points effectively, making sure that they address the prompt directly.
task achievement
The essay contains an example involving Elon Musk, but it is underdeveloped and its relevance to the argument is unclear. Examples should be direct and specifically linked to the argument being made, serving to concretely illustrate and strengthen your stance.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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