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Band 4

Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas that we use to power our cities and transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#alternative #energy #sources #power #wind #waves #sun #oil #gas #cities #transport
The global
Correct article usage
Global
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 warming and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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climate change always
warns
Change the verb form
warn
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to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
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 limit the use of fossil fuels.
However
,
to replace
Change the verb form
replacing
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them with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
renewable
energy
 becomes
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
challenging as it is way far
expensive
Correct quantifier usage
more expensive
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 than the fossils.
That is
 why I feel renewable
energy
 would probably take time to substitute fossil fuels. In
this
 day
an
Correct your spelling
and
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 age people are well aware of
claimate
Correct your spelling
climate
 change and its effect on the planet. The climate activist runs on the street shouting aloud giving messages to the politicians to act on it.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
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 they have come up with alternative sources but the resources needed to initiate will cost a lot.
For instance
, nowadays
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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electric cars are becoming popular among rich individuals.
This
 is all about the price which is expensive for the middle income and low income group.
Therefore
 without the use of fossil
fuels
Add a comma
fuels,
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 people will go bankrupt
Moreover
, not all the countries around the world are developed, most of them are developing and some are
under developed
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
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. For
them
Add a comma
them,
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 the installation of all these alternative resources could be a financial burden. They have to
lend
Verb problem
borrow
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 money from other countries to initiate the programmes.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 they
risks
Change the verb form
risk
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 their country's security as it may lead to
Correct article usage
the collasp
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collasp
Correct your spelling
collapse
 of the project initiated. By seeing all these challenges renewable
energy
 won't be able to defeat the dependency on oil and gasses. 
To conclude
 my
writting
Correct your spelling
writing
, I would suggest that in order to abandon the use of fossil fuel, developed
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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 must initiate to substitute
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 natural renewable
energy
.
However
, to achieve the goal it will take time. There are chances that it may be just
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a dream.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

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task achievement
Your essay slightly addresses the topic, but you must provide a clearer and more direct answer to the prompt. Expand on your main points with targeted examples that directly relate to whether alternative energy sources can replace fossil fuels.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences directly reinforce that idea. Using linking words and phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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