IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You are not satisfied with the service and have already let them know about it. Write a letter to a sports club. - what exactly is wrong with their service - what happened after you complained the first time - what you want the club to do after your letter

#service #sports #club #first #time
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to express my concern regarding the issue I have been facing with the
lockers
 at Gold Sports Centre. Let me elaborate
this
Change preposition
on this
show examples
 matter in detail. Every member who joins the program gets free access to the
lockers
 to keep their belongings during the time they spend at the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
However
, even though the main purpose of
this
 service is to ensure the safety of things, the poor condition of the
lockers
 has certainly failed to meet the intended cause.
This
 issue was recently raised to the concerned team at the club a couple of weeks ago.
While
 I was expecting a permanent solution to it, it appears that the club chose a temporary measure using some method of repair that hardly lasted a few days, leaving the members
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same jeopardy. Considering how it is affecting the frequent visitors, I would request replacing the old
lockers
 with new ones as it will bring a sense of security.
Moreover
, if
that is
 not possible, I would suggest appointing
this
 job of fixing them to a skilled person. I look forward to receiving prompt and positive action. Yours faithfully, Pawandeep Kaur
Submitted by unnikrishnanpp153 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your logical structure, try to create clearer connections between your opening statement and the body paragraphs. Consider introducing the problem in the opening paragraph and providing a summary of the situation before going into detail.
Coherence & Cohesion
When signing off, it's more appropriate to match the level of formality throughout the letter. If you addressed the recipient as 'Sir or Madam,' you should close with 'Yours sincerely' if you know their name, or 'Yours faithfully' if you do not, which you did correctly. However, make sure that the rest of the letter maintains this level of formality.
Coherence & Cohesion
Each paragraph should explore a single main idea or point related to the topic. It appears that you did manage to maintain one idea per paragraph, which is good. Keep working on this aspect for clearer communication.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the prompt. Include specific examples and make relevant suggestions where appropriate. This will help in solidifying a complete response to the task.
Task Achievement
The tone of your writing should reflect the formal nature of the letter, avoid using colloquial language and maintain professional language throughout.
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