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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home,leisure and work activities. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#information #technology #aspects #lives #home #leisure #work #activities
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It is believed that information technology (IT) is revolutionising human beings' lives commanding households, recreation and work tasks. In my opinion, I strongly believe that the boons outweigh the drawbacks since
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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facilitates
Correct subject-verb agreement
facilitate
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 individuals' daily activities. Albeit, sometimes it springs up pitfalls.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on both sides of the view and provide anecdotal evidence to prove the arguments. On the one hand, It straightforwardly resolves the world folk issues.
In other words
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,
this
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 magnificent invention facilitates sectors like construction, medicine, security, education, and industry.
For instance
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, the coronavirus pandemic brought restrictions to face-to-face lessons.
However
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, teachers and students used computers, and tablets to deliver lessons.
As a result
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, the educational process has never halted at all.
Moreover
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, the advancement of
this
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 technology completely changed human beings' lifestyles.
On the other hand
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, It raises security concerns. Because of the widespread use of the internet, individuals are hoodwinked leading to serious problems.
For example
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, IT brought
e-bay
Correct your spelling
eBay
 which anyone from anywhere
purchases
Wrong verb form
can purchase
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 items through the internet, that said, the chance
to be
Change preposition
of being
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 deceived is truly high as Interpol has recorded a high number of children being bullied.
Hence
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, a tiny number of shoppers buy items through it
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 relatives claim for their youngsters about it. In conclusion, notwithstanding some drawbacks resulting from the use of IT, it is indeed solving a myriad of world crowd issues daily.
Therefore
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, I still strongly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
In addition
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, I recommend that the world power squanders public funds on it.
Submitted by zhang342621374 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction directly addresses the topic rather than providing generic statements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linkage words and phrases to improve cohesion.
Task Achievement
Support main points with a mixture of general explanations and specific, detailed examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain consistent verb tense for better coherence.
Task Achievement
Expand on your conclusion, summarizing your main points and directly responding to the essay question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use topic sentences effectively to signal the main idea of each paragraph.
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