Some people think that they can be fit by going to gym, while others think there are other better way to remain fit. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One of the most discussed issues nowadays is the appearance of people. In order to solve
this
major recommend going to the gym
, while
others think that even without a gym
people can remain fit. There is no absolute agreement on whether becoming fit should be done by the gym
or in another way
.
Commonly held belief that gym
is the most popular and effective way
if you want to be in good form. Because there are a very big
amount of tools variety for every type of muscle. Correct word choice
large
For example
, dumbbells, treadmills and barbells that you can train yourself to own finite. Furthermore
, inside Correct article usage
the gym
gym
you can order teachers in order to train in the right Add a comma
gym,
way
. Moreover
, inside of gym
you might meet new friends who will motivate and help you.
Add a comma
gym,
On the other hand
, some people claim that all of this thing
I mentioned previously are only for Fix the agreement mistake
these things
the
professionals. They think that being fit easy even without going Correct article usage
apply
gym
. For instance
, doing push-ups, pull-ups and some exercises would help to be fit. Also
this
seems more attractive, since nobody won't pay for the gym
.
In conclusion, taking all the significant claims mentioned previously I argue that gyms are more significant compared with another
Fix the agreement mistake
other ways
way
. It is granted and a totally positive development. Training in another way
is also
significantly important because it also
has positive effects on your body, appearance and health.Submitted by aikumarbekarys on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Paragraphs should each have a clear main idea and be well-connected to each other. Make use of cohesive devices and ensure logical flow between your sentences.
coherence cohesion
Your essay included an introduction and conclusion, which is good practice. However, both could be strengthened to better present the topic and summarise your main points. Work on clearly stating your thesis in the introduction and reinforcing your argument in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You've put forth some main points to support the views, but they need further development. Try to provide more detailed examples and explanations to give weight to your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
While you addressed the topic, the response was not fully complete. Ensure you address all parts of the task thoroughly, providing a balanced discussion of both views and a clear opinion.
task achievement
The ideas presented need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Focus on clarifying your argument and ensuring your points are well articulated and easy to follow.
task achievement
The use of examples is good, but they should be more relevant and specific to the point being discussed. Aim to include examples that directly support your arguments and enhance the understanding of your position.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?