With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development?
As the growing population, it has become common to live in small places with no outdoor areas. Some people argue that living in small areas is a negative development. I believe that it has health
problems
and there is no privacy. in the following paragraphs, I will explain more about it.
First of all, have not enough space causes
health problems
, such
as physical.in
small places like apartments they cannot move. Being unable to move can lead to obesity ,reduced flexibility, and Capitalize word
In
damages
to muscles. Obesity may Fix the agreement mistake
damage
also
affect mental health like low self-confidence and depression.being depressed may due
to difficulty Add a missing verb
be due
to
maintaining relationships and changes Change preposition
apply
lifestyle
Change preposition
in lifestyle
and
makes them alone Correct word choice
which
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
in
Change preposition
at
high
ages.
Correct word choice
higher
Furthermore
, living in small houses means to have
no privacy. Change the verb form
having
Have
not established boundaries Wrong verb form
Having
causes
conflict between family members especially
siblings or maybe becomes them dependent person.Add the comma(s)
, especially
in
my opinion, it prevents personal growth.Capitalize word
In
actually
in difficult situations they are not able to resolve their personal Capitalize word
Actually
problems
and in some cases
they cannot Add a comma
cases,
get
progress in their career. Verb problem
make
This
causes
that
, Correct pronoun usage
apply
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
are
Change the verb form
to be
force
to continue their life with low facilities. Change the form of the verb
forced
for
instance, I live in a big house with my family because of that we have enough room and space we are self-made and independent. We respect ourselves and our parents because of the private rooms.
In conclusion, I think that living in small homes with no yards Capitalize word
For
has
mental disorders and Verb problem
causes
up bringing
Wrong verb form
brings
problems
that affect society members.as
individuals know, all of Capitalize word
As
this
issues that I mentioned Correct determiner usage
these
causes
society Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
problems
and I recommend that the government notice about population.Submitted by arvinps on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure that the introduction sufficiently paraphrases the essay prompt and clearly presents your viewpoint.
task achievement
Expand on the main body of the essay by providing more detailed examples and specific evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear logical progression in your ideas. Use linking words and phrases to connect your thoughts and paragraphs appropriately.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion. Each should serve its purpose, with the introduction setting the topic and your stance, and the conclusion summarizing your main points.
task achievement
Avoid overly broad statements, and strive to provide specific examples that directly relate to the thesis and argument you are making.
task achievement
Address potential counterarguments to enrich your essay and demonstrate a critical understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammar and sentence structure to improve readability and professionalism of your essay writing.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite