IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development?

#population #cities #people #home #areas #development
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As the growing population, it has become common to live in small places with no outdoor areas. Some people argue that living in small areas is a negative development. I believe that it has health
problems
Use synonyms
 and there is no privacy. in the following paragraphs, I will explain more about it. First of all, have not enough space
causes
Use synonyms
 health
problems
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as physical.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 small places like apartments they cannot move. Being unable to move can lead to obesity ,reduced flexibility, and
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to muscles. Obesity may
also
Linking Words
 affect mental health like low self-confidence and depression.being depressed may
Linking Words
due
Add a missing verb
be due
show examples
 to difficulty
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
maintaining relationships and changes
lifestyle
Change preposition
in lifestyle
show examples
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 makes them alone
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 ages.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, living in small houses means
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 no privacy.
Have
Wrong verb form
Having
show examples
 not established boundaries
causes
Use synonyms
 conflict between family members
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 siblings or maybe becomes them dependent person.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 my opinion, it prevents personal growth.
actually
Capitalize word
Actually
show examples
 in difficult situations they are not able to resolve their personal
problems
Use synonyms
 and in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 they cannot
get
Verb problem
make
show examples
 progress in their career.
This
Linking Words
causes
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
are
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
force
Change the form of the verb
forced
show examples
 to continue their life with low facilities.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 instance, I live in a big house with my family because of that we have enough room and space we are self-made and independent. We respect ourselves and our parents because of the private rooms. In conclusion, I think that living in small homes with no yards
has
Verb problem
causes
show examples
 mental disorders and
up bringing
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 that affect society members.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 individuals know, all of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues that I mentioned
Use synonyms
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 society
problems
Use synonyms
 and I recommend that the government notice about population.
Submitted by arvinps on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction sufficiently paraphrases the essay prompt and clearly presents your viewpoint.
task achievement
Expand on the main body of the essay by providing more detailed examples and specific evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear logical progression in your ideas. Use linking words and phrases to connect your thoughts and paragraphs appropriately.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion. Each should serve its purpose, with the introduction setting the topic and your stance, and the conclusion summarizing your main points.
task achievement
Avoid overly broad statements, and strive to provide specific examples that directly relate to the thesis and argument you are making.
task achievement
Address potential counterarguments to enrich your essay and demonstrate a critical understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammar and sentence structure to improve readability and professionalism of your essay writing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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