Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
These days use of
smartphones
during the day by children
is a lot. In this
essay, I will outline why this
is happening, as well as
some disadvantages of this
development.
Not only do children
use their smartphones
for communication, but also
consider it as a tool for entertaining. They can play video games, watch movies, listen to music and take videos or photos with their smartphones
. Also
, smartphones
provided
access to the Internet, which Wrong verb form
provide
it
makes Correct pronoun usage
apply
smartphones
more applied
for Replace the word
applicable
children
.
While
using smartphones
has some benefits for children
education, it has numerous drawbacks. One of the biggest disadvantages of too much use of Change noun form
children's
smartphones
is, it
Correct word choice
that it
cause
sedentary lifestyles. Change the verb form
causes
Due to
this
kind of using does not need any physical activities
, Verb problem
use
children
cannot burn calories which make
them lazy. Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
In addition
, spending time on smartphones
make
their eyes power weak and Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
overall
is not good for their health.
In conclusion, in my opinion, widespread
of Correct article usage
the widespread
using
Verb problem
apply
smartphones
has a lot of negative points and disadvantages. Even though smartphones
make doing some tasks easier, children
should control the time they consume for them.Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on
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Coherence Cohesion
You should ensure that your essay is logically structured by having a clear introduction, several body paragraphs, each with a unique idea, and a conclusion that summarises your viewpoint and arguments. Aim to transition smoothly between ideas for better coherence.
Coherence Cohesion
The essay provided lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. It is essential to include these elements in your response as they set the stage and summarise your view respectively. Develop your introduction by restating the question, stating your position, and outlining the main points of your argument. Likewise, your conclusion should summarise your main points and reiterate your viewpoint clearly. Remember that each paragraph should have a clear central idea supported with examples and explanations.
Task Achievement
Your response touches on the task's prompt but could be more fully developed. Ensure you address all parts of the task. Clarify why children spend hours on smartphones and then distinctly discuss whether this is positive or negative. Support each of your main points with clear, relevant examples and extend your explanations. While your ideas are relevant, there is a need for more depth and development to fully satisfy the task requirements.
Task Achievement
Try to express your ideas more comprehensively. While you have established a stance on the issue, your position and the reasoning behind it need to be elaborated further. Provide clear explanations, and use examples that are directly related to the points you're making. These examples should be specific and detailed to enhance the clarity and depth of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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