More people today preferred to live alone in comparison to the past do you think it is a positive or negative development give your opinion and a relevant examples to support your view
Society nowadays
are
more likely to be independent Change the verb form
is
while
they want to be dependent in the past, such
as in the ancient world. This
special situation is discussed in this
essay.
First of all, there was not much machinery in ancient society, such
as powerful gun machine
and missiles. Fix the agreement mistake
machines
Ancient
Add an article
The ancient
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
were going
hunting in a group. They need others to help to hunt for survival in the harsh conditions Wrong verb form
went
in
the forest. Not only the hunting they required to doChange preposition
of
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
they need to get along together to protect their offspring from prey. They built a strong fortress and stayed warm together. Due to
the lack of technology for building machines, such
as bulldozers and tower cranes, more manpower was required to build a castle or city to protect themselves from enemies such
as aggressive intraters etc. They made their home themselves to stay close. The attitude is positive in the past.
Secondly
, modern people
who
have Correct pronoun usage
apply
a
technology, Remove the article
apply
such
as iPhones, Correct word choice
and supercomputer
supercomputer
. The technology included the gun machine which can kill all the preyers. The Fix the agreement mistake
supercomputers
frightening
in our lives has been removed. Replace the word
fright
Therefore
, the living condition in the modern day is not the same as in the past, which requires more
reliable relationship to hold together in order to survive. Add an article
a more
Furthermore
, the internet can make people
stay close to each other even though people
physically are far away. We do not need to stay close to protect ourselves. The attitude is negative in
Change preposition
apply
nowaday
.
In conclusion, more Correct your spelling
nowadays
people
today preferred
to live alone in comparison to the past. Wrong verb form
prefer
As a result
, people
in the past is
more positive Verb problem
have
attitude
than the present.Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
Submitted by lawrencechan20 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure and flow. Paragraphs should logically connect to one another, each with a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a conclusion. Furthermore, transitions and linking phrases are essential to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a thesis statement, but its connection to the body paragraphs needs to be clearer. Similarly, your conclusion should restate your thesis and summarize the main points of your essay, ensuring consistency with the overall argument. When discussing past and current attitudes towards living alone, ensure that your conclusion aligns with the points made earlier in the essay.
task achievement
While the essay attempts to respond to the task, it does not fully develop a clear opinion on whether the preference to live alone is a positive or negative development. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations. Address both sides of the topic but also express and justify your own view throughout the essay, rather than only in the conclusion.
task achievement
Some of the ideas and examples provided are not entirely relevant to the question asked or are not developed sufficiently. The focus should be on explaining why people today prefer to live alone and whether this is positive or negative. Use specific and concrete examples to illustrate your points. Avoid general statements or examples that do not directly support your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?