IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More people today preferred to live alone in comparison to the past do you think it is a positive or negative development give your opinion and a relevant examples to support your view

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Society nowadays
are
Change the verb form
is
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 more likely to be independent
while
Linking Words
 they want to be dependent in the past,
such
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 as in the ancient world.
This
Linking Words
 special situation is discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. First of all, there was not much machinery in ancient society,
such
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 as powerful gun
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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 and missiles.
Ancient
Add an article
The ancient
show examples
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
were going
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 hunting in a group. They need others to help to hunt for survival in the harsh conditions
in
Change preposition
of
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 the forest. Not only the hunting they required to do
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 they need to get along together to protect their offspring from prey. They built a strong fortress and stayed warm together.
Due to
Linking Words
 the lack of technology for building machines,
such
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 as bulldozers and tower cranes, more manpower was required to build a castle or city to protect themselves from enemies
such
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 as aggressive intraters etc. They made their home themselves to stay close. The attitude is positive in the past.
Secondly
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, modern
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
technology,
such
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 as iPhones,
Correct word choice
and supercomputer
show examples
supercomputer
Fix the agreement mistake
supercomputers
show examples
. The technology included the gun machine which can kill all the preyers. The
frightening
Replace the word
fright
show examples
 in our lives has been removed.
Therefore
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, the living condition in the modern day is not the same as in the past, which requires
more
Add an article
a more
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 reliable relationship to hold together in order to survive.
Furthermore
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, the internet can make
people
Use synonyms
 stay close to each other even though
people
Use synonyms
 physically are far away. We do not need to stay close to protect ourselves. The attitude is negative
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
. In conclusion, more
people
Use synonyms
 today
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to live alone in comparison to the past.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in the past
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more positive
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 than the present.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure and flow. Paragraphs should logically connect to one another, each with a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a conclusion. Furthermore, transitions and linking phrases are essential to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a thesis statement, but its connection to the body paragraphs needs to be clearer. Similarly, your conclusion should restate your thesis and summarize the main points of your essay, ensuring consistency with the overall argument. When discussing past and current attitudes towards living alone, ensure that your conclusion aligns with the points made earlier in the essay.
task achievement
While the essay attempts to respond to the task, it does not fully develop a clear opinion on whether the preference to live alone is a positive or negative development. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations. Address both sides of the topic but also express and justify your own view throughout the essay, rather than only in the conclusion.
task achievement
Some of the ideas and examples provided are not entirely relevant to the question asked or are not developed sufficiently. The focus should be on explaining why people today prefer to live alone and whether this is positive or negative. Use specific and concrete examples to illustrate your points. Avoid general statements or examples that do not directly support your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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