Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Information
is very important for all of the people
, companies and governments. I strongly support that information
in these restricted areas( science, business and academic) should be shared freely, although
some people
think information
about this
is too risky or too wasteful to be searched without payment.
These categories of information
can be extremely beneficial to human beings. For example
, college students can use this
to do studies more efficiently, businesses can make decisions more suitable for themselves and governments can serve their population better with some deep analyses of freely shared information
. On the other hand
, this
approach is very helpful for investors because they can get the information
they need without the cost of analyzing the company they want to invest in.
It is undeniable that sharing information
freely can be risky and everything has a price. Some people
usually say that if some important information
is taken by terrorists, it can cause huge damage. However
, it's the government's duty to deal with these things, even if this
information
needs to be paid, terrorists
Change preposition
for, terrorists
also
can get them
. Correct pronoun usage
it
Furthermore
, most of the crime is caused by the poor. Sharing information
freely is able to solve this
problem because it offers opportunities for these people
to learn a skill for living or start up a business so that they won't be poor anymore.
Therefore
, sharing information
freely is definitely a great idea to drive the development of the world so that everyone can benefit from it, all we should do is use it in the right way.Submitted by zhangshen9968 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure which makes it difficult to follow your argument. It's important to clearly outline your main points in separate paragraphs and ensure each paragraph contains one clear main idea with supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are essential components of an essay. Unfortunately, the essay provided lacks a distinguishable introduction and conclusion, which could lead to confusion about the essay's main argument and takeaway points.
coherence cohesion
The essay could be strengthened by consistently developing main points with relevant examples and explanations. Use specific and concrete examples to illustrate your points rather than general statements.
task achievement
The response to the task prompt is incomplete and fails to thoroughly discuss both views presented in the question. It's important to dedicate a part of the essay to each perspective and then provide a final paragraph with your own clear opinion that addresses the entire prompt.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas by ensuring that each paragraph presents one clear and comprehensive idea related to the prompt, rather than muddling multiple viewpoints together. This will improve the readability and effectiveness of your essay.
task achievement
To effectively support your arguments, provide relevant and specific examples. These examples should be detailed enough to lend credibility to your claims and illustrate your understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.