Some people believe that to give opportunuties to the new generation, companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?
Serten individual person thinks that to a good time to new age groups, companies should motivate huge companies workers who are older than 55 to exit. I totally agree with
this
. In this
essay, I will discuss both sides and my opinion.
First of all, nowadays people
Love to work
to earn money. They does
not retire. Who enjoy with jobs and they are friends. Change the verb form
do
For instance
, people
who are
Change the verb form
are working
work
in government or they
own businesses but Correct pronoun usage
apply
they
should retire after 50 old. They are children Correct pronoun usage
apply
think
they must take a rest. because those who are getting older should take physical and mental health. Correct pronoun usage
who think
On the other hand
, after retirement who
are should relax because they are living Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
. like a traveling
. For the more going to dinner out with family or friends. Change the spelling
travelling
For example
, after retirement who go overseas traveling
can enjoy relaxing their lives and for the more they can Verb problem
apply
exploring
Change the verb form
explore
be exploring
the
Correct article usage
apply
life
.
On the other hand
, some of the employees who are working the huge companies who
have to earn money.because Correct pronoun usage
apply
who
are poor and for the more They have to Correct pronoun usage
they
feeding
their Change the verb
feed
family
. they Fix the agreement mistake
families
doesn't
like to Change the verb form
don't
go
retire. the company owner loves to keep with the same Verb problem
apply
people
because their very easy to work
with them.but who are
don't think about their health Unnecessary verb
apply
life
.they try to work
end of life
In conclusion, I totally agree with people
who are taken with retiring after 50 years old. because they should take this
opportunity and live a healthy lifestyle.Submitted by manushamanu1024 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay attempts to address the topic but there are serious issues with clarity and coherence. Your ideas are not presented in a logical sequence, making it difficult to understand your argument. It is essential to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should present one main idea, supported by specific examples and explanations.
task achievement
Your task achievement is below the required standard. You need to ensure that you are addressing all parts of the task, presenting a clear opinion, and supporting it with relevant examples. While you do state your opinion, the examples provided are not clearly related to the argument, making them ineffective. The essay fails to fully develop arguments or illustrate points with examples that are directly relevant to the prompt.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
