In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks.
In
this
present time, CCTV is widely used in public areas in many cities for crime prevention. Whereas
some humankind consider this
measure to be an invasion of privacy, I contend that the advantages of using video cameras
surpass its disadvantages.
On the one hand, there are several major reasons why some humans feel that security
systems should not be used in common areas. Firstly
, they argue that surveillance cameras
observe people without permission. As a consequence
, the public experiences less freedom and constantly feels watched by the higher authorities, causing increased pressure and negatively impacting their mental well-being. In addition
, without a transparent and effective supervisory mechanism, surveillance systems may be utilized by relevant organizations for illegal or unethical purposes. Furthermore
, the data collected by these systems is at risk of leakage due to
hacker attacks. If this
information falls into the hands of criminals, both individuals and society may suffer serious consequences.
On the other hand
, the benefits of security
cameras
outweigh as compared to drawbacks. By this
, I mean that videos in public areas give a sense of security
to everyone. Tacitly, criminals think once before doing a crime publicly. Resultantly, criminality has decreased in comparison to the past time. For instance
, countries like Canada and China have facilities of cameras
in gathering spots. Thus
, police can easily catch criminals and this
leads to a low rate of gangsterism. Moreover
, cases of bombing, harassment and robbery nowadays are reducing.
As a result
, If any person tries to attempt these kind
of activities, it Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
caught
by cops easily with the use of video Add a missing verb
is caught
cameras
.
To conclude
, security
cameras
do not give privacy according to
some folk but I opine that the advantages of these are more as compared to disadvantages like lowering criminality and lawbreaking.Submitted by kaverigoti2209 on
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task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. However, you should aim to present a more balanced view of the opposing arguments by providing more specific details.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all your arguments are fully developed and linked coherently with appropriate conjunctions and transitional phrases. Some of the ideas could be better connected to ensure smooth flow.
language and grammar
There are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. Work on sentence structure and grammar for better clarity. For example, 'As a result, If any person tries to attempt these kind of activities, it caught by cops easily with the use of video cameras.' could be improved to 'As a result, if any person tries to engage in such activities, they are easily caught by the police with the use of video cameras.'
task achievement
Your points are clear and you present a balanced argument, supporting your stance with examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, and the main points are generally well-supported.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, and each paragraph flows to the next logically.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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