IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Pie chart Proportion of people from each household type living in proverty

#proportion #people #household #type #proverty
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This
Linking Words
 pie chart demonstrates the part of disparate categories of family types who were living poorly in the United Kingdom in 2002.
Overall
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, the majority of single people, with or without
children
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, were destitute
while
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 the aged
couples
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 who were insolvent were comparatively less in
percentage
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie chart, people in the UK who were poor mostly fell under the sole parent category in 2002.
This
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 was a lot highest more than one quarter, among the given categories of families who lived in paucity.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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,the second place was who was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
single
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 without any
children
Use synonyms
 and their
percentage
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 was 24%.
Couples
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 with
children
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 had less than a fifth
percentage
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, it was less than small numbers for single-aged people,aged
couples
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,
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couples
Correct word choice
and couples
show examples
 without
children
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.
Finally
Linking Words
,
ithis
Correct your spelling
this
 year,just under 14 per cent of all households in the United Kingdom had been living in poverty and aged had had a little bit
percentage
Use synonyms
 of poverty.
Submitted by marina.parmenova on

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task achievement
The introduction of your essay lacks a clear background statement and a paraphrase of the pie chart topic. The introduction should be phrased in such a way that it engages with the specific information presented, allowing for a smooth transition to your analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows an attempt to provide logical structuring, however, it lacks clear progression of ideas and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To enhance your coherence, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph naturally leads to the next.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are supported by detailed examples or explanations for greater clarity. Each category represented in the pie chart should be described with comparative figures and percentages to effectively support the main points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay's conclusion is not distinguished clearly from the body paragraphs. A separate concluding statement summarizing the key insights from the data would enhance the overall structure and provide a satisfactory end to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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