IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today’s world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?

#people #zoos #purpose #today’s #world #alternatives
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Nowadays some
individuals
Use synonyms
 argue about zoo existence, as that entertainment type holds
lot
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a lot
show examples
 of cons for both,
animals
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 and
spectators
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. In my
Correct your spelling
essay
esaay
Add a comma
esaay,
show examples
 I talk about possible issues that
zoos
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 can make and their alternatives if they obliterate. There are some
individuals
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, who object
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
zoos
Change noun form
zoos'
zoo's
show examples
 presence, as in their opinion the latter restrains and invades its
inhabitats'
Correct your spelling
inhabitants'
 lives and makes it uncomfortable.
For instance
Linking Words
, the lions in cages can feel
stressful
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stressed
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 because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of space to hide from children's
noice
Correct your spelling
noise
 and other
spectators
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' sight.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 become anxious and nervous and even they can try to attack people because of that.
Secondly
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, as some
animals
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' natural habitat's climate can be different from
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 that they are held in,
furthermore
Linking Words
, it can cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ilnesses
Correct your spelling
illnesses
illness
,that could be transmitted through the air to the visitors.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are two possible alternatives to
zoos
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 that can be more
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 and tactful to both the visitors and
animals
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.
First,
Linking Words
people can broaden their
understandings
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understanding
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fauna life
watching
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by watching
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 TV channels
such
Linking Words
 as "Animal Planet" or "National Geographic". That will open even more opportunities to watch new species of
animals
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 that were not in their local
zoos
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.
Second,
Linking Words
some
individuals
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 can order a Safari Trip to some
Africa's
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of Africa's
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country
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countries
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 where they can watch
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animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
show examples
 lifestyle life. To have a Safari trip can be quite expensive for some
individuals
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, so if
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
government wants to
reduse
Correct your spelling
reduce
 the local zoo it should have a notion making
trip's
Change noun form
trip
show examples
 tickets price
cheeper
Correct your spelling
cheaper
 for
spectators
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. In conclusion, even if
zoos
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 can bring positive vibes to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
spectators
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, these places are
also
Linking Words
 nests of infections and are cages for wild
animals
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. There are some alternatives that give the possibility to close local
zoos
Use synonyms
 and let
animals
Use synonyms
 be free in their natural habitats.
Submitted by zakhra.aliyeva2001 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow in your essay with clear and concise paragraphs. Each idea should be presented in a separate paragraph with a clear topic sentence and developed accordingly. Avoid abrupt changes and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly states the essay's purpose, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the thesis. Both parts should be clearly distinguishable and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and explanations to support each main point. General statements need to be backed by concrete evidence that illustrates the argument convincingly.
task achievement
Ensure the response directly answers all parts of the question. It's important to cover all aspects of the prompt to achieve a high score in task achievement. Make sure the ideas are comprehensive and directly related to the topic, avoiding irrelevant information.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ethical and animal welfare
  • artificial habitats
  • psychological distress
  • abnormal behaviors
  • conservation
  • inbreading
  • wildlife sanctuaries
  • rehabilitation centers
  • naturalistic habitats
  • virtual and augmented reality
  • ecotourism
  • wildlife documentaries
  • educational platforms
  • genetic pool
  • immersive experiences
  • conservation education
What to do next:
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