IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

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The
Correct article usage
A
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 certain part of
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
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tend
Change the verb form
tends
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 to leave their old relatives in the
Use synonyms
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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 and villages, in order to live in cities and towns.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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 behaviour and , of course , solutions to
this
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 problem. As we live in a capitalistic world, young
people
Use synonyms
 understand that it is rational to find more experiences and better salaries in the cities, rather than in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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. Cities and towns have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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better infrastructures and more jobs with good conditions.
People
Use synonyms
 want to live their best life,
therefore
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 they try
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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hard to seek
for
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apply
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money and entertainment.
This
Linking Words
 issue leads to workforce decline in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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 and affects
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
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 in a negative way(economic stagnation,
for example
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). To solve
this
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 problem,
government
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the government
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 should take action
in creating
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to create
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jobs
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job
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 seats for all ages and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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infrastructure
Add an article
the infrastructure
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 of
countrsides
Correct your spelling
countrysides
countryside
countries
 and villages.
In addition
Linking Words
, universities need to scale themselves in all
Use synonyms
countrysides
Correct your spelling
countries
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 to lessen student migrations.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should create social programs for old
people
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 ,so they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 exchange experiences with the young generation.
For instance
Linking Words
, old
people
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 could learn something about programming, so they could contribute to the country's
jobs
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job
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 market.
To sum up
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, if all solutions are made
succesfuly
Correct your spelling
successfully
,
people
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 will save the economy and it will lead to
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 migrations from towns and better life conditions in all country.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a coherent structure and clear paragraphing, which are essential for presenting ideas logically. Consider using cohesive devices and transitions to aid clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure introduction and conclusion clearly state the topic and summarize the main points. The conclusion should do more than repeat the introduction; it should reflect on the ideas discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your main points require further development and support through more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Each point should be expanded with specific details or evidence.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task but needs to provide a more complete response to the prompts. It requires a fuller explanation of the implications of youth migration and a more comprehensive range of solutions.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay need to be clearer and more comprehensive to effectively answer the question. It's important to ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea and expands on it thoroughly.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to strengthen arguments and demonstrate understanding of the problem. The examples should be directly tied to the issues discussed and the proposed solutions.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural exodus
  • workforce decline
  • social services
  • cultural erosion
  • economic stagnation
  • depopulation
  • infrastructure burden
  • generational gap
  • policy interventions
  • economic diversification
  • rural infrastructure
  • community-based projects
  • mobile healthcare
  • communal ties
  • incentive schemes
  • urban influx
  • village abandonment
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