IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Development in technology causes environmental problems. Some people believe the solution to these problems is everyone accepts a simpler way of life, while others say that technology can solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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Nowadays, environmental problems are burgeoning day by day because of
using
Wrong verb form
the use of
show examples
 modern
technology
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that individuals should lead their lives in
normal
Add an article
the normal
a normal
show examples
 way for
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 others opine that
decreasing
Change the verb form
to decrease
show examples
 these problems everyone should use
technology
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both views. I, personally side with the latter view. Generally speaking, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a wide range of reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 believe that human life
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
show examples
 way
resulting
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
 in
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, rural
people
Use synonyms
moves
Change the verb form
move
show examples
 to
urban
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an urban
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 city, where they can get modern opportunities to use, but which damage the
environment
Use synonyms
 from different
aspect
Change the noun form
aspects
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such
Linking Words
 as air pollution and sound pollution and so on.
For example
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, If
people
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lives
Change the verb form
live
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 same place and don’t
moves
Change the verb form
move
show examples
 anywhere, it may not affect
Use synonyms
environment
Add an article
the environment
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.
Secondly
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, by avoiding personal vehicles, which
emitte
Correct your spelling
emitted
emit
 more CO2, for
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 distance and they can use public transport, which
also
Linking Words
 save money.
For instance
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,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent survey
the
Correct article usage
apply
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UNESCO showed that the
people
Use synonyms
 of Denmark are using eco-friendly bikes, which
are
Verb problem
do
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 not
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
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 any detrimental effects and the air of
this
Linking Words
 country
95
Add a missing verb
is 95
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% healthier than
any
Change preposition
in any
show examples
 other
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, who says that only technological
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 needed
for facing
Change preposition
to face
show examples
 these problems because
technology
Use synonyms
 provides plenty of advantages, which are helping our
environment
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 To illustrate, by using sea waves, scientist are generating electricity and the amount of electricity are supplied in many areas that are not harmful.
In addition
Linking Words
, public wastes like bottles are
destructing
Verb problem
destroying
show examples
 fertile soil,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 farmers cannot grow crops in the fields. So, industries can recycle these kinds of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 for
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of purposes. In conclusion, eliminating modern
technology
Use synonyms
 in today’s era
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not a positive development and arduous task for everyone.
People
Use synonyms
 cannot live solely without technological development.

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Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction provides a clear background for the topic you are discussing; it should set the stage for the later points in the essay. Also, make sure the conclusion accurately reflects the discussion held within the main body of the text, addressing both perspectives and your own take on the issue.
Logical Structure
Work on developing a more logical structure that guides the reader through the argument. The essay should smoothly transition from one idea to the next, with each paragraph focused on a single main point that ties back to the essay question. Use phrases and terms that make the connections between ideas clear to the reader.
Supported Points
Strengthen your main points with more detailed explanations and a more extensive range of examples. This provides the reader with a deeper understanding of your viewpoint and demonstrates your ability to discuss concepts in depth.
Complete Response
To achieve a higher score, make sure that the response fully answers all parts of the question. It should discuss both views and provide a clear personal opinion. The essay needs to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic, with all the main points appropriately addressed.
Clear Ideas
Try to express your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Work on precision and clarity in your sentence construction to ensure that your arguments are communicated effectively. Avoid overly complex structures that may confuse the reader.
Relevant Examples
Use a wider range of relevant and specific examples to support your points and illustrate the arguments. Relate these examples to the main topic and ensure they are directly linked to the issues being discussed.
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