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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
Nowadays, many students who study in universities are
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
to learn
Change preposition
in learning
show examples
 a
varid
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variety
 subjects
besides
 of their main major.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 some other
part
Change the wording
parts
show examples
 of their society believe that it is more
nessesery
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to
fouces
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focus
focuses
 on their
studies
 for qualifications. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I
disscuse
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both sides and
at the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 I
peresnt
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present
per cent
 my opinion. To
begien
Correct your spelling
begin
 with, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a part of
people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
studies
 higher education and like
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
 other subjects. In fact, their main opinion is
taht
Correct your spelling
that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 should be
multi-dimentions
Correct your spelling
multi-dimensions
multi-dimensional
 which means that they recommend
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 about many
topic
Change to a plural noun
topics
show examples
cause
Change preposition
because
show examples
this areas
Change the determiner
this area
these areas
show examples
 of
knoledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 are
usefula
Correct your spelling
useful
 in your general life.
therefore
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
people
 care less about their main field and prefer to know more about other items in their study period.
For instance
, a mechanical
engineer
Replace the word
engineering
show examples
 student with
this
 view may prefer to get less mark in their exam but save
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 time
to read
Change preposition
by reading
show examples
 books about
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
.
Although
 they may
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 be called
advanved
Correct your spelling
advanced
engieer
Correct your spelling
engineer
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they are better in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life
becuace
Correct your spelling
because
 they know how to save
thier mony
Correct your spelling
their money
 in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 correct way of economy.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 there are some other
student
Change the wording
students
show examples
 who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 likely to pay
thair
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 attention to their university courses rather than other
knoledges
Correct your spelling
knowledges
knowledge
. They mostly
fouced
Correct your spelling
focus
 on their marks in the
univesity beacuase
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university because
 of the qualification. They will not be
expert
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
an expert in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 profession unless they get a good mark
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
 they may not find a good job. As an example, when a big
company
such
 as
apple
Capitalize word
Apple
show examples
 looks for a code developer, one of the most important
parameter
Change to a plural noun
parameters
show examples
 for the
company
 in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
studies
.They check the
avrage
Correct your spelling
average
 mark of each candidate in the courses and if it is less
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 a specific number they reject those candidates. So some young
people
 may prefer to give most of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 time to the lessons that they have. In my point of view, it is much important to have detail in each subject and
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 benefits will be
showen
Correct your spelling
shown
 in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time later.
For example
, when someone have
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own
company
, they must
khow
Correct your spelling
know
show
 that there are many parameter for controlling the
company
such
 as human
resourse
Correct your spelling
resources
resource
 and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and the
managment shound khow
Correct your spelling
management should show
 them well.
This
 ability comes from reading that someone had
besides
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their major. To
sumup
Correct your spelling
summarise
, there are two
idea
Change to a plural noun
ideas
show examples
, some
people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that they have to learn about other topics and their major parallelly and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 prefer to pay more attention
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
studies
.
Although
 the second idea
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a senceable logic
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I
stands
Change the verb form
stand
show examples
 with the idea and I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 it is more useful
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 about every
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
.
Submitted by mohammad.bameri.1380 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use cohesive devices such as linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly. Maintain a logical sequence of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Provide a clear position throughout the essay and avoid contradicting yourself. Develop your main points with specific details and examples. Make sure your argument is well-rounded and covers different perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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