IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #measures
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The problems of
people
Use synonyms
 who gain weight and decline their health quality have two main causes.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 are more and more pay
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
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 on their jobs and school
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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, which may lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor dietary habits.
For example
Linking Words
, nine to five office
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 do not have enough time a day to prepare a
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nutritional menu
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 of their busy schedule. Another reason is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the lack of
activity
Use synonyms
, which is highly crucial for body health
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation. Many
people
Use synonyms
 do not engage in regular physical
activity
Use synonyms
 and sports.
Acording
Correct your spelling
According
 to a
non
Correct word choice
non-profit
show examples
profit-investigaion
Correct your spelling
investigation
, about 72%
Change preposition
of teenager
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 prefer playing video games to playing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 that really an alarming number.
However
Linking Words
, some measures could be used to solve these causes.
First,
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 should learn how to balance
beetween
Correct your spelling
between
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 for work and
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
.
Company
Fix the agreement mistake
Companies
show examples
 can expand workplace wellness programs, which can encourage
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 to take part in physical
activity
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should organize more exercise chance for
student
Change the noun form
students
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
 and extracurricular
Use synonyms
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
. Another solution is promoting healthy eating habits. Governments can provide education and resources to broaden
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 having a
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
show examples
 diet.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will reduce their intake of processed and
high-calories
Correct your spelling
high-calorie
show examples
 foods and maintain a healthier eating habit
Submitted by hoangduc35069 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. This includes not only organizing ideas into distinct paragraphs, but also making use of appropriate connecting words and phrases to guide the reader seamlessly through your argument. Work on developing your introduction and conclusion, as they are integral to framing your essay effectively. Finally, support your main points with more detailed examples, and make sure these examples are clearly linked to the points they are intended to illustrate.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, make sure to fully respond to all parts of the question. Develop your ideas more thoroughly and back them up with specific examples. While you have addressed both the causes and solutions, providing more depth and detail would make your response stronger. Additionally, aim to present a balanced view that shows a clear understanding of the topic. You would also benefit from ensuring that all key terms from the prompt are addressed and explored in your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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