Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
Opinion
are divided on whether Fix the agreement mistake
Opinions
people
should live in the urban area or countryside
to have a healthy life. In my opinion, living in Correct article usage
the countryside
countryside
or Correct article usage
the countryside
city
Correct article usage
a city
both
benefits residents in different ways, but living in the former is better for the quality of Correct pronoun usage
apply
environment
and Add an article
the environment
avoiding
unhealthy foods.
There are several advantages of living in urban areas, in terms of healthcare Change preposition
for avoiding
service
and Fix the agreement mistake
services
variety
of Correct article usage
the variety
product
offered. Fix the agreement mistake
products
To begin
with, it is undeniable that people
who live in urban area
have many chances to experience good service in Fix the agreement mistake
areas
hospital
, that make sure their care is Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
safety
. Replace the word
safe
People
speculate this
might be due to
modern facilities and the best doctor would care to
them, they do not worry about their health because it Change preposition
for
always
in the best way. Another benefit is there Add a missing verb
is always
are
Change the verb form
is
variety
of shopping malls, medicine stores, Add an article
a variety
or
Correct word choice
and
the
clinics Correct article usage
apply
to
Change preposition
for
people
who want to take it immediately. This
meant that,
citizens in Remove the comma
apply
city
Add an article
a city
the city
are
super convenient to their necessary.
Wrong verb form
were
However
, in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle, it would be better for people
who live in as
less pollution, Change preposition
with
congestion
and fewer chances to consume unhealthy foods. Under certain assumptions, Correct word choice
and congestion
this
can be constructed as in the countryside
, people
plant vegetables and raise livestock or poultry for their family, so that foods they consume on a daily basis are clean. Moreover
, rural area do not have congestion which result in the quality of air
so
fresh, Add a missing verb
being so
people
can Correct word choice
that people
breath
fresh Replace the word
breathe
air
, their
health could be considerably improved. The most apparent might be that Correct word choice
and their
cleaning
Correct article usage
the cleaning
air
in my hometown is Nghe An Vietnam, it is not Add an article
the air
crown
town so Add an article
a crown
i
always enjoy the time when Change the capitalization
I
i
live there, it Change the capitalization
I
make
me feel healthier in my soul.
In conclusion, in spite of some benefits of living in the city, I believe that the advantages of living in the Change the verb form
makes
countryside
are more significant, especially in terms of dining healthy food and breathing unpolluted air
.Submitted by huyenkhanhnguyen300804 on
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coherence cohesion
Be consistent in maintaining logical structure throughout your essay. Use clear paragraphs to delineate ideas. The essay has a recognizable structure, but differentiation between main points and supporting details could be more pronounced.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more impactful by providing a stronger thesis and summarizing the key points more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear and concise examples. Many examples provided are too generalized and require more details to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay is a complete response to the question. Address all parts of the task with equal attention and provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Work on sentences and phrases that lack clarity to ensure that your position and arguments are well-understood.
task achievement
Integrate relevant and specific examples to illustrate your viewpoints. The examples should clearly support your opinions and be relevant to the prompt.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example