IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
Opinions
show examples
 are divided on whether
people
Use synonyms
 should live in the urban area or
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 to have a healthy life. In my opinion, living in
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 or
city
Correct article usage
a city
show examples
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
benefits residents in different ways, but living in the former is better for the quality of
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 and
avoiding
Change preposition
for avoiding
show examples
 unhealthy foods. There are several advantages of living in urban areas, in terms of healthcare
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 and
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
show examples
 of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 offered.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is undeniable that
people
Use synonyms
 who live in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 have many chances to experience good service in
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
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, that make sure their care is
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 speculate
this
Linking Words
 might be
due to
Linking Words
 modern facilities and the best doctor would care
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them, they do not worry about their health because it
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 in the best way. Another benefit is there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of shopping malls, medicine stores,
or
Correct word choice
and
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clinics
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who want to take it immediately.
This
Linking Words
 meant that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 citizens in
city
Add an article
a city
the city
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 super convenient to their necessary.
However
Linking Words
, in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle, it would be better for
people
Use synonyms
 who live
in as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 less pollution,
congestion
Correct word choice
and congestion
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 and fewer chances to consume unhealthy foods. Under certain assumptions,
this
Linking Words
 can be constructed as in the
countryside
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 plant vegetables and raise livestock or poultry for their family, so that foods they consume on a daily basis are clean.
Moreover
Linking Words
, rural area do not have congestion which result in the quality of
air
Use synonyms
so
Add a missing verb
being so
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 fresh,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 can
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
 fresh
air
Use synonyms
,
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
 health could be considerably improved. The most apparent might be that
cleaning
Correct article usage
the cleaning
show examples
Use synonyms
air
Add an article
the air
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 in my hometown is Nghe An Vietnam, it is not
crown
Add an article
a crown
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 town so
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 always enjoy the time when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 live there, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 me feel healthier in my soul. In conclusion, in spite of some benefits of living in the city, I believe that the advantages of living in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 are more significant, especially in terms of dining healthy food and breathing unpolluted
air
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Be consistent in maintaining logical structure throughout your essay. Use clear paragraphs to delineate ideas. The essay has a recognizable structure, but differentiation between main points and supporting details could be more pronounced.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more impactful by providing a stronger thesis and summarizing the key points more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear and concise examples. Many examples provided are too generalized and require more details to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay is a complete response to the question. Address all parts of the task with equal attention and provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Work on sentences and phrases that lack clarity to ensure that your position and arguments are well-understood.
task achievement
Integrate relevant and specific examples to illustrate your viewpoints. The examples should clearly support your opinions and be relevant to the prompt.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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