Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Opinion
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Opinions
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are divided on whether
people
should live in the urban area or
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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to have a healthy life. In my opinion, living in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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or
city
Correct article usage
a city
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both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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benefits residents in different ways, but living in the former is better for the quality of
environment
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the environment
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and
avoiding
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for avoiding
show examples
unhealthy foods. There are several advantages of living in urban areas, in terms of healthcare
service
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services
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and
variety
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the variety
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of
product
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products
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offered.
To begin
with, it is undeniable that
people
who live in urban
area
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areas
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have many chances to experience good service in
hospital
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hospitals
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, that make sure their care is
safety
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safe
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.
People
speculate
this
might be
due to
modern facilities and the best doctor would care
to
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for
show examples
them, they do not worry about their health because it
always
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is always
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in the best way. Another benefit is there
are
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is
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variety
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a variety
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of shopping malls, medicine stores,
or
Correct word choice
and
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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clinics
to
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for
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people
who want to take it immediately.
This
meant that
,
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apply
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citizens in
city
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a city
the city
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are
Wrong verb form
were
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super convenient to their necessary.
However
, in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle, it would be better for
people
who live
in as
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with
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less pollution,
congestion
Correct word choice
and congestion
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and fewer chances to consume unhealthy foods. Under certain assumptions,
this
can be constructed as in the
countryside
,
people
plant vegetables and raise livestock or poultry for their family, so that foods they consume on a daily basis are clean.
Moreover
, rural area do not have congestion which result in the quality of
air
so
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being so
show examples
fresh,
people
Correct word choice
that people
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can
breath
Replace the word
breathe
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fresh
air
,
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
health could be considerably improved. The most apparent might be that
cleaning
Correct article usage
the cleaning
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air
Add an article
the air
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in my hometown is Nghe An Vietnam, it is not
crown
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a crown
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town so
i
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I
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always enjoy the time when
i
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I
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live there, it
make
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makes
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me feel healthier in my soul. In conclusion, in spite of some benefits of living in the city, I believe that the advantages of living in the
countryside
are more significant, especially in terms of dining healthy food and breathing unpolluted
air
.
Submitted by huyenkhanhnguyen300804 on

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coherence cohesion
Be consistent in maintaining logical structure throughout your essay. Use clear paragraphs to delineate ideas. The essay has a recognizable structure, but differentiation between main points and supporting details could be more pronounced.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more impactful by providing a stronger thesis and summarizing the key points more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear and concise examples. Many examples provided are too generalized and require more details to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay is a complete response to the question. Address all parts of the task with equal attention and provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Work on sentences and phrases that lack clarity to ensure that your position and arguments are well-understood.
task achievement
Integrate relevant and specific examples to illustrate your viewpoints. The examples should clearly support your opinions and be relevant to the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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