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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Parents should take courses in parenting in order to improve the lives of their children. To what extent do you agree?

#parents #courses #lives #children
It is better for
parents
 to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 themselves in programmes related to parenting which are beneficial to improve the lives of their
children
. I agree with
this
 statement and I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
my opinion in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with,
Change preposition
by
show examples
joining these programmes
parents
 can get to know their
children
 better.
As nowadays
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Nowadays
show examples
, it is quite hard to recognise
Childers
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Childers's
show examples
 emotions and behaviour.
This
 course
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
parents
 about certain psychological traits about
children
. In
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
parents
 can connect with their
children
 easily and it will
also
 help to strengthen the bond between them.
Furthermore
,
children
 sometimes are bullied and mistreated by their peers and do not share it with their
parents
 which leads to depression.
However
, these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of courses help
parents
 to understand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 emotions deeply.
Parents
 can understand that their
children
 are suffering and they are able to
him
Correct your spelling
hit
show examples
 them.
Moreover
,
children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
these age
Change the determiner
this age
these ages
show examples
 are very hyperactive and
do-not
Correct your spelling
do not
show examples
listen to their
parents
.
Therefore
, careful handling of
children
 is
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
thought
 in parenting programs so that
parents
 can
each
Correct your spelling
teach
show examples
 their
children
 effectively and calmly, which will
also
 be fruitful for their future as well.
To conclude
, parenting courses have a great and positive impact on
parents
 and
children
. It would be beneficial if
parents
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 encouraged to join these courses.
Submitted by gazalaansari757786 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a general response to the prompt, but it lacks a strong thesis statement and clear personal stance, which are essential in fully responding to the task. Consider starting with a more nuanced introduction that directly addresses the extent to which you agree and then consistently support that stance throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
While the essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, both could be significantly improved with clearer arguments and stronger summary statements. Enhance these sections to provide a more impactful opening and closing to your essay.
coherence cohesion
The main points presented tend to be general and sometimes are repeated instead of being further developed. Aim for more in-depth elaboration on each point and try to provide specific examples to back up your arguments, thus enhancing both coherence and task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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