IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people are afraid of leaving their homes because of their fear of crime. Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #homes #fear #crime #believe #action
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These days, many
people
 are afraid of
crime
, and they want to put new
regulations
 to limit
crime
. So, some
people
 think that we should complete life because
crime
 will
last
 all our lives.
While
 others believe that we should put new
regulations
 to limit
crime
.
This
 essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion. On one hand, we should complete life. If
people
 are still afraid of
crime
, we can not complete life.
For example
, we should look forward and avoid as much as possible to see
crime
. So that's why some think that in the United States of America every day there are many crimes but
people
 are looking forward.
On the other hand
,
people
 want from government to put new
regulations
 to limit
crime
. Many
people
 think if they have strict
regulations
,
crime
 will be reduced. To illustrate, to reduce crimes we should make awareness for all
people
 in cooperation with the police and community service.
Hence
 the belief that the studies indicate shows that awareness has a big effect on society. In conclusion, after analysis of both points of view. I believe that we should look forward and avoid as much as possible to see
crime
. Many
people
 have many perspectives, and
people
 will make what they want.
Submitted by Eissa Aljabri  on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks proper structure and does not present a clear introduction or conclusion. It is necessary to ensure that your essay has a clear introductory paragraph that outlines the viewpoints and sets the stage for your discussion, followed by coherent and logically structured body paragraphs that explore each view and your opinion, and finally a conclusion that summarizes your points and restates your stance.
task achievement
The essay's task achievement is limited due to incomplete responses to the prompt and not fully developed ideas. Each viewpoint and your opinion should be explored fully with clear, comprehensible statements. Ensure you articulate the different perspectives on preventing crime thoroughly, support your arguments with specific examples, and present a clear, personal stance in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • quality of life
  • freedom
  • community-based initiatives
  • neighborhood watch
  • effective policing
  • surveillance
  • deterrence
  • education programs
  • social programs
  • root causes
  • surveillance state
  • security measures
  • statistical analysis
  • perceived fears
  • inevitability
  • mitigation
  • personal responsibility
  • self-protection
  • media influence
  • public perception
  • balance of freedom and security
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