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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #child
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Nowadays it is common for parents to purchase plenty of
toys
 for their
children
. Some of these are beneficial for
children
’s mental and physical growth. In
this
 essay, I will touch on both
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks of
this
 situation. On the one hand, the main advantage of having plenty of
toys
 is that they keep
children
 engaged and make them creative and imaginative as they explore the
toys
 in all possible ways.
For instance
, when
children
 play with
puzzle based
Add a hyphen
puzzle-based
show examples
toys
 they think about different possible ways to find solutions which results in mental growth.
Similarly
,
children
 stay away from anxiety when they are surrounded by their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 games.
Additionally
, they tend to become social
while
 playing games with their friends and sharing their
toys
On the other hand
, lots of
toys
 make the home unorganized and difficult to clean since
children
 leave them anywhere in the home.
Nevertheless
, purchasing many
toys
 may lead people and
children
 towards consumerism which the parents would not want their kids to fall for.
For example
, when parents buy
toys
 on a regular basis,
children
’s expectations and demands increase which ends up by shopping lots of materialistic things and falling into the trap of consumerism.
Additionally
, some of the
toys
 are dangerous for kids if not purchased
according to
 age groups.
For instance
, if a toy that has sharp ends is bought for kids of age group 1-2 years, most likely they can injure themselves.
To conclude
,
toys
 play a vital role in the development of
children
’s minds and bodies and enjoy their childhood. But it is
also
 essential to purchase only a limited number of
toys
according to
 the proper age group keeping in mind the
overall
 well-being of babies.
Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on

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task achievement
Ensure that you present a clear and consistent position throughout the response. While the advantages and disadvantages are mentioned, there could be a stronger thread or argument running through the essay.
task achievement
Try to develop your main points more fully with specific examples. The arguments provided are somewhat general and would benefit from concrete illustrations to enhance persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs are mostly well-organized with clear topic sentences. Work on linking your ideas more smoothly to improve the flow of information.
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