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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

Nowadays it is common for parents to purchase plenty of
toys
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 for their
children
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. Some of these are beneficial for
children
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’s mental and physical growth. In
this
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 essay, I will touch on both
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 and drawbacks of
this
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 situation. On the one hand, the main advantage of having plenty of
toys
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 is that they keep
children
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 engaged and make them creative and imaginative as they explore the
toys
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 in all possible ways.
For instance
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, when
children
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 play with
puzzle based
Add a hyphen
puzzle-based
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toys
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 they think about different possible ways to find solutions which results in mental growth.
Similarly
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,
children
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 stay away from anxiety when they are surrounded by their
favorite
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favourite
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 games.
Additionally
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, they tend to become social
while
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 playing games with their friends and sharing their
toys
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On the other hand
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, lots of
toys
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 make the home unorganized and difficult to clean since
children
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 leave them anywhere in the home.
Nevertheless
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, purchasing many
toys
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 may lead people and
children
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 towards consumerism which the parents would not want their kids to fall for.
For example
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, when parents buy
toys
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 on a regular basis,
children
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’s expectations and demands increase which ends up by shopping lots of materialistic things and falling into the trap of consumerism.
Additionally
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, some of the
toys
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 are dangerous for kids if not purchased
according to
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 age groups.
For instance
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, if a toy that has sharp ends is bought for kids of age group 1-2 years, most likely they can injure themselves.
To conclude
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,
toys
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 play a vital role in the development of
children
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’s minds and bodies and enjoy their childhood. But it is
also
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 essential to purchase only a limited number of
toys
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according to
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 the proper age group keeping in mind the
overall
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 well-being of babies.

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task achievement
Ensure that you present a clear and consistent position throughout the response. While the advantages and disadvantages are mentioned, there could be a stronger thread or argument running through the essay.
task achievement
Try to develop your main points more fully with specific examples. The arguments provided are somewhat general and would benefit from concrete illustrations to enhance persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs are mostly well-organized with clear topic sentences. Work on linking your ideas more smoothly to improve the flow of information.
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