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Band 5.5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #people’s #health
According to
 some people, living in
metropolis
Correct article usage
a metropolis
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 has a bad effect on the wellness of
population
Add an article
the population
a population
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. I agree with the given opinion to a small extent,
however
, mainly oppose
this
 idea for more plausible reasons. Admittedly, settlement in large
cities
 has some negative effects as air pollution because of exhaust fumes
due to
Change preposition
apply
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which hampers life in urban areas. Since there is always a lot of traffic in crowded
cities
 that
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 the slowdown of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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daily life, I may agree with the view that living in towns,
suburbans
Correct your spelling
suburbs
 and
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 in villages may induce more cleaner and less stressful environment.
However
, there are a number of arguments in
favor
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favour
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 of living in large
cities
. We can mention that more job opportunities can be found in these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of highly populated
cities
 as big companies prefer to locate and make
investment
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investments
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 in these areas because of the possibility of being more productive in
competitive
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a competitive
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 environment where other rivals
also
 striving to achieve some goals.
Secondly
, almost
each
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every
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 problematic situation has its own solution.
For instance
, alternatives to gas-powered vehicles are becoming more popular which reduces the ratio of pollution. In order to overcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fatigue after a stressful work day people have
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
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 to be
Add an article
a member
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member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of different societies where they can share
the
Correct article usage
apply
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ideas, participate in physical activities or simply spend time in entertainment
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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. In conclusion, my belief is that for the reasons above we do need some people to be based in big
cities
 which is surrounded with different kind of enterprises to control and contribute the business and social life.
Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on

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task achievement
Your response presents a clear position throughout the response. However, you could enhance task achievement by providing more specific examples and further elaboration on how living in big cities affects health. While you offer some general ideas, adding more detailed instances would bring your arguments to life and make your stance more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is fairly well-structured with an introduction and conclusion present, which aids in reader comprehension. To increase your score, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth and logical. This will help in maintaining a strong flow of information throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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