Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#communications #medicine #transport #systems #depend #computer #technology #reliance #fields #situation

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In the contemporary era, almost all types of vehicles, healthcare facilities and public transport depend on up-to-date computers and microchips. It is claimed that

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apply

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too

much

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many

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people rely on technologies, which can be dangerous or even harmful, in case of a global disaster.

However

, there are some merits

which

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that

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modern science may bring

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apply

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the society. First and foremost, in today's

world

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world,

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all types of data

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are

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recorded in an uncountable amount of servers. It is

pretty

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a pretty

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dangerous situation because it could be erased in terms of natural

disaster

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disasters

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, electricity-cut situations or by a simple human error.

Moreover

, it can be annihilated with electromagnetic impulses, which may be the most significant weapon in the future. To exemplify, the situation in

FBI

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the FBI

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in the US in 2010, when they

have

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apply

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lost their data because of

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the chacker's

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chacker's

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hacker's

invasion. On the

countrary

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contrary

, advances in technology cannot be underestimated. It gives an enormous

amout

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amount

of opportunities for patients in the

heatlhcare

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healthcare

sector. To be more precise,

robotic-surgery

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robotic surgery

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has provided chances for people's

threatment

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treatment

in complicated clinical cases

as well as

difficult

anantomy

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anatomy

areas.

Additionally

,when it concerns public transport and communications there are only benefits

can

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that can

show examples

be seen. They are not only eco-friendly

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but

also

faster and more convenient for society. In conclusion, undoubtedly, it is impossible to exist in the modern era without cutting-edge computers and

opporunities

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opportunities

which have been provided despite possible dangerous situations.

On the other hand

altenative

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alternative

sourses

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sources

for preserving data have to be created. To crown it all, the

developing

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development

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of AI (artificial intelligence) can do harm

for

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people, but for the time being it is a very disputable question.

Submitted by roker123456 on Wed Dec 13 2023

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task achievement

Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Aim for a more precise thesis statement.

task achievement

Work on developing your main ideas more thoroughly, with clearer and more specific examples that directly support your argument.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing to better organize the essay and improve the logical flow.

coherence cohesion

Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow a logical sequence, ensuring that they all contribute to supporting your viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

Make sure the introduction and conclusion are distinct and adequately bookend the essay, summarizing your main points and restating your position in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

reliance
cybersecurity
over-reliance
digital divide
data breach
cyberbullying
diagnostic machines
electronic health records
automated vehicles
predictive maintenance
real-time monitoring
vulnerability
misinformation
hacking
efficiency
navigation systems
traditional skills
system failures

What to do next:

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Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

These days, cell (mobile) phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

In some countries, many young people choose to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages./ what are the advantages and disadvantages/ do you think the advantages have outweighed the disadvantages?

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness is decreasing What do you think are the causes of this probem and what measures could be taken to solve them.