Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
#communications #medicine #transport #systems #depend #computer #technology #reliance #fields #situation
In the contemporary era, almost all types of vehicles, healthcare facilities and public transport depend on up-to-date computers and microchips. It is claimed that
,
too Remove the comma
apply
much
people rely on technologies, which can be dangerous or even harmful, in case of a global disaster. Change the quantifier
many
However
, there are some merits which
modern science may bring Correct word choice
that
in
the society.
First and foremost, in today's Change preposition
apply
world
all types of data Add a comma
world,
is
recorded in an uncountable amount of servers. It is Change the verb form
are
pretty
dangerous situation because it could be erased in terms of natural Add an article
a pretty
disaster
, electricity-cut situations or by a simple human error. Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
Moreover
, it can be annihilated with electromagnetic impulses, which may be the most significant weapon in the future. To exemplify, the situation in FBI
in the US in 2010, when they Correct article usage
the FBI
have
lost their data because of Unnecessary verb
apply
Correct article usage
the chacker's
chacker's
invasion.
On the Correct your spelling
hacker's
countrary
, advances in technology cannot be underestimated. It gives an enormous Correct your spelling
contrary
amout
of opportunities for patients in the Correct your spelling
amount
heatlhcare
sector. To be more precise, Correct your spelling
healthcare
robotic-surgery
has provided chances for people's Correct your spelling
robotic surgery
threatment
in complicated clinical cases Correct your spelling
treatment
as well as
difficult anantomy
areas.Correct your spelling
anatomy
Additionally
,when it concerns public transport and communications there are only benefits can
be seen. They are not only eco-friendlyCorrect pronoun usage
that can
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
faster and more convenient for society.
In conclusion, undoubtedly, it is impossible to exist in the modern era without cutting-edge computers and opporunities
which have been provided despite possible dangerous situations. Correct your spelling
opportunities
On the other hand
, altenative
Correct your spelling
alternative
sourses
for preserving data have to be created. To crown it all, the Correct your spelling
sources
developing
of AI (artificial intelligence) can do harm Replace the word
development
for
people, but for the time being it is a very disputable question.Change preposition
to
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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Aim for a more precise thesis statement.
task achievement
Work on developing your main ideas more thoroughly, with clearer and more specific examples that directly support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing to better organize the essay and improve the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow a logical sequence, ensuring that they all contribute to supporting your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion are distinct and adequately bookend the essay, summarizing your main points and restating your position in the conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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