IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#research #business #meetings #discussions
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In
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At
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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present, organizations conduct their
meetings
, discussions and training programmes
through
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apply
show examples
online, and
this
 has been proved by a research study. The benefits of online
business
gatherings
 offset the drawbacks of it. Reducing the cost of organizing and convenience of the relevant parties can be considered as the advantages, and they outweigh the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of issues in the internet connections. Businesses can decrease
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 cost of physical
gatherings
 for their
business
 activities. Normally, there are no costs associated
such
 as providing refreshments,
printing
Correct word choice
or printing
show examples
 handouts in online
meetings
. As an example, before the online technology, lots of businesses had to reserve a large amount of money for physical
meetings
 and discussions in Sri Lanka.
However
, now, there is a considerable decrease in those costs.
Furthermore
, the convenience of relevant parties of
such
 kinds of
gatherings
 can be identified. People don’t need to travel to the place where the meeting or training is conducted. So, people can attend to these
business
 activities at home or the place where they are
in
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apply
show examples
, without travelling.
For instance
, in the
corona
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
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 pandemic situation, lots of businesses could conduct their
meetings
through
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apply
show examples
online and relevant parties could
attended
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attend
be attended
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 to them without travelling and in a safe environment.
On the other hand
, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 limitations of online
gatherings
. Sometimes, there can be connections lost
while
 conducting
such
meetings
 or
gatherings
 without any control and participants are worried in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 kinds of situations. One personal example is that there was a connection lost
while
 I was attending
to
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apply
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a job interview
of
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at
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 a private company
in
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during
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pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
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 situation. Reduction of conducting
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 and participants’ convenience are the main positive facts, and
probability
Correct article usage
the probability
show examples
 of connection problems is one of the negative aspects
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 online
meet ups
Add a hyphen
meet-ups
show examples
. When considering both facts, it can be identified
as
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 the benefits outweigh the drawbacks of online
business
gatherings
.
Submitted by pransarani on

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coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay into paragraphs, which is good. However, the transitions between your points could be smoother. To improve, use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, but they are quite basic and could be more developed. Your introduction should more effectively paraphrase the question and provide a clearer thesis statement. The conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your overall opinion more strongly.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported with examples, but the examples you provide are quite general. To strengthen your argument, include more detailed and relevant examples that clearly illustrate your points. Additionally, you could include statistics or real case studies to enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided a clear response. However, for a higher band score, make sure that you explore both sides of the argument in equal measure and that your opinions are well supported with strong arguments and evidence.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but at times they lack depth. Elaborate on your ideas to fully develop your arguments. Use a wider range of structures and vocabulary to express complex concepts and maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
While you do provide examples, strive to add more specific examples and ensure they are directly relevant to your point. Avoid using personal anecdotes unless they are particularly strong examples that resonate with a wider audience. Consider using more universal examples that most readers would find compelling.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual collaboration
  • teleconferencing
  • webinar
  • remote access
  • cost efficiency
  • cultural diversity
  • interactive platform
  • networking opportunity
  • sustainability
  • carbon footprint
  • cybersecurity
  • encryption
  • bandwidth
  • digital divide
  • screen fatigue
  • team cohesion
  • asynchronous communication
What to do next:
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