IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

You have bought some clothing online and not satisfied with your purchase.

#purchase
I totally agree with
this
 topic because I and my close friends and relationships buy everything from online shopping with
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
restricted
Replace the word
restrictions
show examples
. Buy anything from online shopping
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 several disadvantages
such
 as
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 a lot of money, time, and energy.
First,
we will continue to buy something
such
 as
clothes
, accessories, and toys with no future goal. All advertising
are shows
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that
clothes
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 modern and classic by popular people
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Second,
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
while
 you are buying clothing
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online, you are happy for a moment. But
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 day or next week, your paradise was changed not satisfied like others. Because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
you spent a lot of money for not useful and sized
clothes
 for your body and model.
Lastly
, we need to find those
clothes
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
address
Fix the agreement mistake
addresses
show examples
such
 as Facebook,
Instagram
Correct word choice
and Instagram
show examples
, and follow others, so that we waste our time, money and energy that should have been
investment
Replace the word
invested
show examples
.
Submitted by vaanchigsuren on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay lacks a clear introductory paragraph that sets the context and states the problem of online shopping dissatisfaction. You should provide a clear introduction and follow it up with a thesis statement that addresses the prompt directly.
coherence cohesion
The main points of the essay are difficult to discern due to a lack of clear logical structure. Paragraphs should be used to organize ideas, with each paragraph containing one main idea and supporting sentences.
task achievement
It is not clear how the introductory paragraph relates to the dissatisfaction with a clothing purchase online which is the main focus of the prompt. Make sure that the introduction clearly presents the topic of the essay.
task achievement
Avoid using overly generalized statements without backing them up with specific examples that are pertinent to your personal experience with online shopping for clothes.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should summarize the key points made within the body of the essay and restate your position in light of these points. A clear conclusion was not apparent in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: