IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations

#world #life #expectancy #individuals #society #measures #impact #populations
it is obvious that
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 death age is increasing year by year.
While
 there are many
discussion
Fix the agreement mistake
discussions
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 about problems of increasing life expectancy,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will suggest some solutions
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reduce its impact in my following essay. On the one hand,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the figures will
rise
Verb problem
increase
show examples
contribution
Correct article usage
the contribution
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 of
old
Fix the agreement mistake
the older
show examples
generation
 among people.
Besides
, it is
fact
Correct article usage
a fact
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 The number of children per parent
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 falling which will cause go down of
generation
 who are able to work.
For example
, in
Russia
Add a comma
Russia,
show examples
 there are
many
Replace the word
more
show examples
 elderly people than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young and it
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
For
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion,
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
show examples
 is
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
show examples
 people
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their health and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
ability
Correct pronoun usage
their ability
show examples
of working
Replace the preposition
to work
show examples
On the other hand
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
old
generation
 will increase retirement. In the best case, the young must
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 and pay
retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
show examples
 money of
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
generation
. But Russia can do it because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of the young. We can solve
this
 problem by
motivate
Change the verb form
motivating
show examples
 the family with money for childbirth.
Submitted by shahin_jumaev868 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by presenting your ideas in a more organized manner. Begin with an introduction that clearly states the topic and your stance, followed by body paragraphs that each contain a single clear idea, supported by examples or explanations, and conclude with a summary or restatement of your main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be clearly distinguishable from the rest of the essay. The conclusion should effectively summarize the key points discussed without introducing new ideas. Both should reflect a complete understanding of the essay question.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant, specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument. Refrain from broad, unsupported generalizations.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by providing a clear response to each question asked, ensuring that your essay provides a comprehensive explanation of the issues involved and possible resolutions.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to ensure clarity and depth in your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is explored in detail.
task achievement
Include relevant examples to support your arguments. The examples should specifically demonstrate the point you're trying to make and be grounded in realistic scenarios or data where possible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: