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Band 2

Some people think that keeping pet is good for children while other think it is dangerous and unhalthy.which opinion do you agree or disagree

#people #pet #children #unhalthy
These
wordly
Correct your spelling
worldly
thought
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thoughts
show examples
 are
besed
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based
 on sufficient
experances
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experience
experiences
.Some
people
 point out keeping pet animals unhealthy for young children
however
 I strongly
Correct your spelling
believe
bileve
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believe
 that,
pets
 are not very dangerous It is
irritafable
Correct your spelling
irritable
 that nowadays
people
flooded
Add a missing verb
are flooded
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 with information about everything.
Pets
 can be dangerous to young children, but
pets
 are loving and friendly.
Furthermore
,
pets
 are good and harmless compared to wild animals.In fact,in Italy, many
people
 live with
pets
such
 as cats, dogs,rabbits and other
pets
.Notably, 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the population of Ilatia
love
Correct subject-verb agreement
loves
show examples
pets
 because it is not dangerous it is friendly.Even today, there are many scientists who keep
pets
.
On the other hand
,I saw a news on TV 1 year ago.
For instance
,the house was on fire and there was a little boy inside the house who was saved by a pet dog.the dog
saved
Add a missing verb
is saved
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 from danger
in addition
 it is not
dangerous
Add an article
a dangerous
show examples
 animal.
Furthermore
,
pets
 can be used in different ways. In conclusion, Some
people
 that
pets
 are dangerous, but
this
 is an unfounded opinion.In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
pets
 are not dangerous if it is loved and cared for by us.
Submitted by qoqonovacharos on

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coherence cohesion
The essay does not follow a logical structure. Sentences are often disconnected and there are frequent grammatical errors that may confuse the reader. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and the supporting sentences are directly related to it. Use linking words to connect ideas and ensure the essay flows smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
The response does not fully address all parts of the task. The question calls for a discussion of whether pets are good or bad for children, and a personal opinion. While you have provided an opinion, it needs to be clearer, more developed, and better supported with specific examples. There is also a lack of balance in the argument, as you do not explore why some people believe pets are unhealthy or dangerous. To improve, make sure to address all parts of the prompt, expand on your ideas, and provide specific examples to support your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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