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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the agesof the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the agesof the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts illustrate the information about the
population
Use synonyms
's ages in two different nations
such
Linking Words
 as Yemen and Italy, the
age
Use synonyms
 groups are 0-14, 15-59 and above 60 in two different
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
 2000 and 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, the above sixty years of the
population
Use synonyms
 was low in past,
Linking Words
similarly
Add a comma
similarly,
show examples
 the future will
also
Linking Words
the
Add a missing verb
be the
show examples
 same as compared to the other
age
Use synonyms
 groups. The graphs show that in Yemen,
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
-59
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of folks was the second largest
population
Use synonyms
 in 2000
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 will
be increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 dramatically in 2050, at 46.3% and 57.3% respectively. 3.6 per cent
was belongs
Change the verb form
belonged
show examples
 to the above sixty
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in 2000 but it will
be grown
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 by 5.7 %.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
0
Correct article usage
the 0
show examples
-14
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had the majority of the
population
Use synonyms
 in 2000, at just above
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half, surprisingly
this
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
 will be reduced drastically by 37%.
In addition
Linking Words
, in Italy, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 15-59 was the highest
population
Use synonyms
 in 2000,
likewise
Linking Words
 in 2050, it will be the highest as compared to other
age
Use synonyms
 groups, at just above
three fifths
Add a hyphen
three-fifths
show examples
 and 46.2% respectively.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, above sixty
age
Use synonyms
 people had just below a quarter in 2000 but it will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rised
Correct your spelling
rise
 and
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 have the majority of the
population
Use synonyms
 in 2050, at 24.1% and 46.2% respectively.
0
Correct article usage
The 0
show examples
-14
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 was the least in 2000, which was 14.3
per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cent
Fix the agreement mistake
cents
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
but
this
Linking Words
 would be reduced slightly by around 3%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, age, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age distribution
  • demographics
  • populations
  • projections
  • trends
  • percentages
  • age groups
  • youthful
  • aging population
  • median age
  • shifts
  • dramatic changes
  • elderly
  • working-age population
  • dependency ratio
  • fertility rate
  • life expectancy
  • baby boomers
  • demographic transition
  • geriatric
  • adolescents
  • juveniles
  • seniors
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