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Band 4.5

Students nowadays can get large quantities of information from mobile phone. Despite this, many people think that they should not be allowed to use them in the classroom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #quantities #information #phone #people #classroom
This
 is a true fact to
considers
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
 that in the present
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
 mobile
phone
 has become a vital part of our life and
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of the
people
 in the world are using it. There are
these
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who say
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
banning the
use
 of mobile phones for teens in
school
,
Add a missing verb
is, however
show examples
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that it should. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will examine both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 of the argument. and provide my
overall
 opinion. Generally speaking, There are a
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of reasons why
people
 believe that mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 should be banned in
school
permises
Correct your spelling
premises
, like distraction, bullying and negative
use
 of the
phone
 . Perhaps the main reason why
people
 are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
 idea is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 are the
distuneling
Correct your spelling
disturbing
 for a student's mind.
For example
, a student will develop a habit of playing games or listening to music
while
 the teacher is giving a lecture on notes in class .
This
 will cause
Correct article usage
a repid
show examples
repid
Correct your spelling
rapid
 decrease in their interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 study and they will gradually start
lossing
Correct your spelling
losing
 their marks and rank . A
further
 point
favor
Change preposition
in favor
show examples
 of banning the
use
 of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 in
school
 is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdoor activities decrease as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 stick to mobile.
This
 is
beause
Correct your spelling
because
 they are too hard to resist for a student. Despite these arguments, there is
also
 a cause for the idea that mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 should be allowed in
school
,
such
 as in case of emergency, to research information. Perhaps the main reason why
people
 think that
this
 is a good idea is because mobile phones provide an abundance of useful
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they could read those books without any problem and
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
dictonary
Correct your spelling
dictionary
 without asking
other classroom
Change the wording
another classroom
other classrooms
show examples
.
Hence
,
this
 may make all the lessons more comfortable and silent. In conclusion, the
use
 of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 in
school
 is a topic which is very relevant
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
moderen
Correct your spelling
modern
 society . Despite arguments to the contrary, I very
strogly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 feel that we should ban the
use
 of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for teenagers in
school
, the benefits of it
outwrigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
 the negative effect.
Submitted by Faria Jannatul on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and that the essay contains a clear opinion or thesis statement.
logical structure
Work on creating more logical transitions and signpost phrases to guide the reader through the arguments.
supported main points
Use a variety of cohesive devices effectively and avoid overusing certain words or phrases.
complete response
Fully develop all parts of the task by extending and supporting your main points with specific examples and clear reasoning.
clear comprehensive ideas
Aim to present ideas clearly and comprehensively, ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea.
relevant specific examples
Provide relevant examples to support your arguments and make the essay more persuasive and concrete.

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