Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #schools #students #money

People

should learn finance as soon as possible. In fact, I agree that students should be given financial

literacy

Change preposition

through

show examples

compulsory

course

Fix the agreement mistake

courses

show examples

and, in

this

essay, I will explain my reasons.

First,

any

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

will face financial

dilemma

Fix the agreement mistake

dilemmas

show examples

For example

, most of the

children

transaction

Fix the agreement mistake

transactions

show examples

using

money

with

cashier

Add an article

the cashier

a cashier

show examples

in the supermarket or canteen to buy candies or foods. If the

children

do not manage their

money

, their

money

will be zero immediately and the bad habit will be done repeatedly. So, financial

literacy

must be taught universally to all

children

to prevent

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

bad

habit

Fix the agreement mistake

habits

show examples

will

happen

Wrong verb form

happening

show examples

in their adult

life

Replace the word

lives

show examples

through compulsory

course

Fix the agreement mistake

courses

show examples

Second,

people

shall

Verb problem

apply

show examples

learn for a long time to

get

Verb problem

gain

show examples

broad

knowledge

. Some

people

say that we must learn 40000 hours at minimum to get optimum results, it means we must learn around 13 years if we stick to 40000 hours. To get the optimum financial

knowledge

people

should get financial lessons since they were

children

. One of the methods to spread

knowledge

is adding financial education in the school.

Last

, with financial

literacy

course

Fix the agreement mistake

courses

show examples

at school,

people

can know formally about how to manage

money

Although

we can learn informal financial

literacy

through facing daily life

dilemma

Fix the agreement mistake

dilemmas

show examples

, we must

also

learn by formal theories. The formal theories will teach us about how to split our expenses based on categories because it is based on the research. The formal theories can be taught by a compulsory

course

in school to make sure all students get the

course

. In conclusion, I agree with the statement

Change preposition

that

show examples

financial

literacy

shall

Verb problem

should

show examples

be learned as

mandatory

Add an article

a mandatory

show examples

course

This

is because

any

Correct determiner usage

all

show examples

ages will face financial

dilemma

Fix the agreement mistake

dilemmas

show examples

people

shall learn for a long time to get broad

knowledge

, and

people

can know formally about how to manage

money

. Given

this

situation, it is recommended that our minister of education shall add financial

literacy

compulsory

Add an article

a compulsory

show examples

course

for the students.

Submitted by adityanandipinta on Thu Dec 14 2023

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task achievement

Your essay somewhat addresses the prompt, however, the response to the task could be more directly related to the question at hand. You should give a more nuanced opinion, addressing the 'extent' to which you agree or disagree, not just a binary answer.

task achievement

Provide more specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points. While general statements about the importance of financial education are made, more concrete examples or evidence would strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay shows some organization, but the ideas could be linked more effectively to enhance the flow of the essay. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to better connect sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear introduction and conclusion; however, they could be stronger by including a thesis statement and summary of your main points that are more closely related to the question posed.

coherence cohesion

Some main points are supported, but the development of ideas including elaborations and explanations is superficial at times. Developing these points further would add depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

320 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Financial literacy
Mandatory
Budgeting
Economic stability
Fiscal health
Credit
Interest rates
Investments
Curriculum
Informed decisions
Personal debt
Savings
Taxes
Expenditures
Fiscal responsibility
Money management
Financial planning
Economic education
Financial competence

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Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

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