Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People
should learn finance as soon as possible. In fact, I agree that students should be given financial literacy
by
compulsory Change preposition
through
course
and, in Fix the agreement mistake
courses
this
essay, I will explain my reasons.
First,
any ages
will face financial Fix the agreement mistake
age
dilemma
. Fix the agreement mistake
dilemmas
For example
, most of the children
do transaction
using Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
money
with cashier
in the supermarket or canteen to buy candies or foods. If the Add an article
the cashier
a cashier
children
do not manage their money
, their money
will be zero immediately and the bad habit will be done repeatedly. So, financial literacy
must be taught universally to all children
to prevent the
bad Correct article usage
apply
habit
will Fix the agreement mistake
habits
happen
in their adult Wrong verb form
happening
life
through compulsory Replace the word
lives
course
.
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
Second,
people
shall
learn for a long time to Verb problem
apply
get
broad Verb problem
gain
knowledge
. Some people
say that we must learn 40000 hours at minimum to get optimum results, it means we must learn around 13 years if we stick to 40000 hours. To get the optimum financial knowledge
, people
should get financial lessons since they were children
. One of the methods to spread knowledge
is adding financial education in the school.
Last
, with financial literacy
course
at school, Fix the agreement mistake
courses
people
can know formally about how to manage money
. Although
we can learn informal financial literacy
through facing daily life dilemma
, we must Fix the agreement mistake
dilemmas
also
learn by formal theories. The formal theories will teach us about how to split our expenses based on categories because it is based on the research. The formal theories can be taught by a compulsory course
in school to make sure all students get the course
.
In conclusion, I agree with the statement of
financial Change preposition
that
literacy
shall
be learned as Verb problem
should
mandatory
Add an article
a mandatory
course
. This
is because any
ages will face financial Correct determiner usage
all
dilemma
, Fix the agreement mistake
dilemmas
people
shall learn for a long time to get broad knowledge
, and people
can know formally about how to manage money
. Given this
situation, it is recommended that our minister of education shall add financial literacy
as compulsory
Add an article
a compulsory
course
for the students.Submitted by adityanandipinta on
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task achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the prompt, however, the response to the task could be more directly related to the question at hand. You should give a more nuanced opinion, addressing the 'extent' to which you agree or disagree, not just a binary answer.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points. While general statements about the importance of financial education are made, more concrete examples or evidence would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some organization, but the ideas could be linked more effectively to enhance the flow of the essay. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to better connect sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion; however, they could be stronger by including a thesis statement and summary of your main points that are more closely related to the question posed.
coherence cohesion
Some main points are supported, but the development of ideas including elaborations and explanations is superficial at times. Developing these points further would add depth to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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