IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world go hungry. Why is the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
Even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
progress made in cultivation huge number of
people
 around the world still face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty.
This
 essay will discuss
this
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 the case is,
as well as
 solutions
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
problem
. It is generally accepted that there are lots of
people
 who are facing in spite of using
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology in farming.
People
 are increasing the
prices
 of cultivated
food
 day by day
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in
food
 hunger
who have
Verb problem
and
show examples
 poor economic status in the world.
For instance
, there is
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 number of
hunger
Replace the word
hungry
show examples
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries
due to
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
prices
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 reported by BBC
news
Capitalize word
News
show examples
.
In addition
,
people
exporting
Wrong verb form
export
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh and healthy harvested
crops
 to other nation so that they can earn money
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 result in
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
show examples
 of
crops
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 own country and had to face starvation
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
food
.
Furthermore
, to solve
this
problem
 the cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the cultivated
crops
 should be affordable
as well as
 accessible to all citizens.
People
shouldnot
Correct your spelling
should not
 export
food
 to the out of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 until
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 nation
people
 get enough
food
. If the government pay attention to the
prices
 and exporting cultivated
food
then
 the
problem
 of hunger can be minimized.
For example
, in the
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 most of the country’s citizens
harvested
Wrong verb form
harvest
show examples
crops
 for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 and export those grains after they
kept
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 enough for them and export
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 rate that
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them in earning
as well
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 need to face craving
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the government of every nation should pay attention
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the rate and
accessible
Replace the word
accessibility
show examples
 of
food
. The cultivated
crops
 should be sold
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 affordable
prices
 so that anybody can afford
and
Correct pronoun usage
them and
show examples
 the
problem
 of poverty can be reduced. In conclusion, there are lots of causes and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solutions
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty. If we are keen to solve the
problem
 the government should pay attention
while
 exporting harvested
crops
 and
t6the
Correct your spelling
the
 rate of the foods.
Submitted by prabin2018grg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on creating a coherent structure for the essay. The current structure does not allow for a clear flow of arguments and the essay veers off-topic at times.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and state the main topic and summarise your arguments, respectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with clear, related examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Fully answer the question by addressing all parts of the task. The essay did not delve deeply into why hunger persists despite agricultural advances or provide detailed solutions to this issue.
task achievement
Present clearer, more comprehensive ideas to create a more convincing argument. The ideas in this essay are somewhat vague and need to be elaborated on.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. Examples used in this essay are either not specific enough or not directly relevant to the points being made.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
Look at other essays: