IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world go hungry. Why is the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
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Even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
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progress made in cultivation huge number of
people
Use synonyms
 around the world still face
the
Correct article usage
apply
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poverty.
This
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 essay will discuss
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this
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 the case is,
as well as
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 solutions
about
Change preposition
to
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this
Linking Words
problem
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. It is generally accepted that there are lots of
people
Use synonyms
 who are facing in spite of using
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology in farming.
People
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 are increasing the
prices
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 of cultivated
food
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 day by day
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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 in
food
Use synonyms
 hunger
who have
Verb problem
and
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 poor economic status in the world.
For instance
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, there is
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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 number of
hunger
Replace the word
hungry
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people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developing countries
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the increase
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increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
prices
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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was
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 reported by BBC
news
Capitalize word
News
show examples
.
In addition
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,
people
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exporting
Wrong verb form
export
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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fresh and healthy harvested
crops
Use synonyms
 to other nation so that they can earn money
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 result in
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
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 of
crops
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to
Change preposition
in
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the
Change the word
their
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 own country and had to face starvation
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
food
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, to solve
this
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problem
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 the cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the cultivated
crops
Use synonyms
 should be affordable
as well as
Linking Words
 accessible to all citizens.
People
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shouldnot
Correct your spelling
should not
 export
food
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 to the out of
country
Add an article
the country
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 until
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 nation
people
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 get enough
food
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. If the government pay attention to the
prices
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 and exporting cultivated
food
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then
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 the
problem
Use synonyms
 of hunger can be minimized.
For example
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, in the
world
Add a comma
world,
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 most of the country’s citizens
harvested
Wrong verb form
harvest
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crops
Use synonyms
 for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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 and export those grains after they
kept
Wrong verb form
keep
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 enough for them and export
in
Change preposition
at
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high
Add an article
a high
the high
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 rate that
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them in earning
as well
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as
Correct word choice
apply
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they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 need to face craving
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the government of every nation should pay attention
about
Change preposition
to
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 the rate and
accessible
Replace the word
accessibility
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
. The cultivated
crops
Use synonyms
 should be sold
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 affordable
prices
Use synonyms
 so that anybody can afford
and
Correct pronoun usage
them and
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 the
problem
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 of poverty can be reduced. In conclusion, there are lots of causes and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solutions
about
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty. If we are keen to solve the
problem
Use synonyms
 the government should pay attention
while
Linking Words
 exporting harvested
crops
Use synonyms
 and
t6the
Correct your spelling
the
 rate of the foods.
Submitted by prabin2018grg on

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coherence cohesion
Work on creating a coherent structure for the essay. The current structure does not allow for a clear flow of arguments and the essay veers off-topic at times.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and state the main topic and summarise your arguments, respectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with clear, related examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Fully answer the question by addressing all parts of the task. The essay did not delve deeply into why hunger persists despite agricultural advances or provide detailed solutions to this issue.
task achievement
Present clearer, more comprehensive ideas to create a more convincing argument. The ideas in this essay are somewhat vague and need to be elaborated on.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. Examples used in this essay are either not specific enough or not directly relevant to the points being made.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
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