IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. Why? What solutions?

#countries #students #study #science
Currently, there is a
lack
 of
students
 choosing
science
-related majors in
higher-education-school
Correct your spelling
higher-education schools
show examples
 in several parts of the world.
This
 trend may be attributed to some reasons and
leaves
Verb problem
has
show examples
 serious effects on
society
 There are some reasons to not choose
science
subjects
according to
 various different opinions. The first and most popular reason is it is so difficult to understand,
science
subjects
 require logical thinking, and we have to master the knowledge system of the entire high school grade. And we all know that there aren't many people who have enough intelligence and hard work for
this
.
Secondly
,
society
 still has
bias
Add an article
a bias
show examples
 towards
science
subjects
. It is thought that there is no point in studying
science
, because after graduation, it is difficult for
students
 to find jobs, and it only applies to certain fields. It
also
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 time and money to study
science
 majors but related jobs can not earn much salary The decrease in the number of
students
 choosing
science
 fields may lead to certain results.
First,
this
 can lead to a
lack
 of basic
science
 awareness that will affect their lives and health.
for example
, they can be cheated
to buy
Change preposition
into buying
show examples
poor quality
Add a hyphen
poor-quality
show examples
 products
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge. Most importantly,
society
 can
lack
science
 involved and lead to imbalance. In conclusion, the
lack
 of
students
 choosing
science
subjects
 is
due to
 many reasons, mainly
due to
 the difficulty of the subject and social bias and will leave critical impacts on
society
.
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks cohesion and logical progression of ideas. It would be beneficial to use more linking devices and clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The response does not fulfill the requirements of the task. You should aim to provide a more developed argument with compelling evidence and examples supporting each point of view. The solutions proposed were not presented, which is a key aspect of the task at hand. Ensure you address all parts of the question comprehensively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: