IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program.to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #component #school #program
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In general,
money
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 playing pivotal role in the human lifestyle .what the reason behind
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is,
without
Correct word choice
that without
show examples
money
Use synonyms
, people cannot buy anything in their daily routine.
that is
Linking Words
 why, financial management is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 in
schools
Use synonyms
' curriculum. From my perspective, I strongly believe in how to maintain the savings and how they need to do it.
thus
Linking Words
, school is a place to teach that. To commence,
schools
Use synonyms
 are the
greatest
Correct word choice
best
show examples
 place to
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
 various subjects
such
Linking Words
 as technology, medicine and space research.
Linking Words
this
Capitalize word
This
show examples
 is the reason,
schools
Use synonyms
 should be the best
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
 for studying a financial course
also
Linking Words
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, enormous
schools
Use synonyms
 are introducing to implement the
money
Use synonyms
 saving system.because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 should
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 saving benefits.
This
Linking Words
Use synonyms
money saving
Add a hyphen
money-saving
show examples
 scheme
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 suitable for
students
Use synonyms
. there is no limitation
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 savings.by the end of the day,
students
Use synonyms
 are collecting their savings.which leads to
further
Linking Words
 higher studies or
helpful
Add a missing verb
is helpful
show examples
 for their startup business.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many parents are allowing their children to buy what they want without any limitations.so, they are unaware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the value of
money
Use synonyms
.which
roots
Verb problem
has
show examples
 to detrimental effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 behaviour.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 order to do some illegal activities
likes
Replace the word
like
show examples
 playing online
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 of rummy circle,
pubg
Correct word choice
and pubg
show examples
.these type of activities entirely
spoiled
Wrong verb form
spoil
show examples
 their life.
Linking Words
that
Capitalize word
That
show examples
 is the reason
financial
Add an article
the financial
a financial
show examples
 course is
compulsory
Add an article
a compulsory
show examples
 part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the school syllabus.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
play
show examples
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 playing pupils
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.which motivates
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of engineers,
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
, doctors and moral
students
Use synonyms
.
there fore
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
, I certainly believe that financial subject is
compelling
Add an article
a compelling
show examples
 part of school programs.
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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with distinct purposes, such as introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a topic sentence and develop a single idea. Use transition words to link ideas and paragraphs in a logical manner.
task achievement
Be sure to fully address the essay question. Develop your response comprehensively with a clear position throughout the essay, and ensure that you present an argument rather than disjointed ideas.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, use a variety of linking devices appropriately, such as conjunctions, cohesive devices, and synonyms, to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
Task response can be improved by providing specific, relevant examples that support your main points. Avoid general statements and make your ideas concrete with illustrations and evidence where possible.
coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure, as errors in these areas can detract from the clarity of your argument and reduce the overall coherence of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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