IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

These days, people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. Do advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #work #job #change #career #times #life #trend
Nowadays, changing
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and doing several
jobs
 has become
trend
Add an article
a trend
the trend
show examples
 for adults.
This
 essay will discuss the merits and demerits of working in more than
one
 sector and changing
field
Correct article usage
the field
show examples
 of
career
. To start with, there are several
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 of
jobs
 in different
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
. First is, more
jobs
 more
money
. Humans are eager
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
 for
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
whether they earn
Correct pronoun usage
it by
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 or
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illegal activities. Involving in many
jobs
 helps to earn a lot of
money
 and choose their
career
field
according to
 what they
experience
Wrong verb form
have experienced
show examples
 till now.
For instance
, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international students to survive they have to
work
 and earn themselves so only
one
 job will not
satisfied
Change the verb form
satisfy
show examples
 their needs so they decide to
work
 part
timer
Correct your spelling
time
show examples
 in many
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
show examples
 to pay
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for their tuition.
Secondly
, experience helps to decide the right
career
. If people are not well satisfied
about
Change the preposition
with
show examples
 their
work
 ,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 will
prone
Add a missing verb
be prone
show examples
 to change
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs
 and
work
 in the
field
 they like. Engaging in only
one
field
 will often make
bored
Correct pronoun usage
you bored
show examples
.
For instance
,
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 who are mainly teaching only
one
 subject will make them unhappy and may not be able to experience
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other fields
show examples
field
.
However
, every advantage has its drawbacks too.
One
 is,
changing
Correct word choice
that changing
show examples
field
Correct article usage
the field
show examples
 several times will create confusion
to choose
Change preposition
about choosing
show examples
 their
career
. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people are jobless because of their changing
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 of
jobs
. There is no guarantee of
money
 they will get
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 the working environment.
For instance
, some managers might
harash
Correct your spelling
harish
harass
harsh
 and give less salary which will only
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 you and
your
Change the word
the
show examples
 time you spend
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
.
Moreover
, there is
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 chance of getting blackmailed
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 strangers or
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 chief and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 to change previous
skilled
Replace the word
skills
show examples
.
To conclude
,
although
 changing
field
 is risky
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
experiencing
mang
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
field
 develop
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 path rather than listening to others.
Therefore
, I believe working in several
jobs
 helps to learn many things and grow your skilled manpower.
Submitted by kimikobabe1 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents an unclear logical structure. Sentences within paragraphs are not always logically connected, causing confusion for the reader. Paragraphs should each present a single clear idea which is developed coherently.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay does include both an introduction and a conclusion, but both sections lack clarity and succinctness. Be sure to clearly restate the question prompt in your introduction and precisely summarize your main points in your conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points in your essay need further development and support. Every assertion or opinion should be followed with a clear, specific example or further explanation. Avoid making general statements without evidence.
Task Achievement
There is a lack of completeness in addressing the task. You only vaguely address the advantages and disadvantages rather than providing clear, developed arguments. Make sure to fully respond to all parts of the task prompt.
Task Achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid overly complex or confusing sentence structures that can distract from the message. Aim for clarity in each sentence and paragraph.
Task Achievement
The use of examples is good practice, but more relevant and specific examples are needed to strengthen the essay. The examples given are too general and do not sufficiently support the points being made.
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