IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
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It is refutable to say that working professionals all over the world have almost the same consequences.
Hence
Linking Words
 it depends and varies from situation to situation. Landlords probably
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 individuals applying against
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 vacancies about private or personal credentials as
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their free time activities and personal interests, or
either
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 they are married or single. A few of them said that
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 might be required and workable. I discuss both views in detail in
forthcoming
Correct article usage
the forthcoming
show examples
 paragraphs. To commence with, the job market has already saturated
while
Linking Words
 the number of applicants
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 already in a long queue for each post so screening at different steps is crucial these days.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some people say
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 is extremely crucial. Actually, these are the filter checks to capture each post through a number of small steps. The candidate’s personal
information
Use synonyms
 like hobbies, interests, and marital status could be leaked and stolen.
For instance
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, in a recent survey
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 BBC.
Last
Linking Words
 year there was an incident
happened
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
show examples
 in Bangladesh where a candidate applied for
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 and just
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
three days of his interview his all
money
Correct article usage
the money
show examples
 in bank accounts
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 stolen.
Subsequently
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,
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
 half says
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 is not as important but basically the thing which business
personell
Correct your spelling
personnel
 should
kept
Change the verb form
keep
show examples
 in mind is their skill set and expertise because we are living in a contemporary era where technology updates
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
every single second. To cite an example:
According to
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 the latest search, Apple went a
noble
Correct your spelling
nobel
show examples
 prize in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 just for the reason of its intellectual heads and hardworking team.
To sum up
Linking Words
, Landlords probably
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
 individuals applying against
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 vacancies about private or personal credentials as like their free time activities. Some people say it is not as important but
basically
Add a comma
basically,
show examples
 the thing which business personnel should keep in mind is their skill set and expertise.
As well as
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 my opinion is concerned, I am
also
Linking Words
 on the part of
skill
Correct pronoun usage
my skill
show examples
 set as it provides the company with more revenue in future.
Submitted by azfar.sajjad on

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introduction conclusion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clear, directly address the task, and are mirrored effectively to demonstrate a good understanding of the essay structure.
logical structure
Develop a clear central idea in each paragraph, ensuring that each one logically follows from the previous and includes relevant supporting details.
supported main points
Expand upon the main points with precise and specific examples that are directly relevant to the argument, and avoid vague references that do not support the discussion.
complete response
Address all parts of the task, ensuring a balanced discussion of both views presented in the prompt, and provide a clear opinion in response to the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
Improve clarity by organizing ideas and arguments in a comprehensive manner, using a range of structures and vocabulary to accurately convey precise meanings.
relevant specific examples
Engage with the specifics of the prompt by providing concrete and pertinent examples that demonstrate a strong understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
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