IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is argued that
music
Use synonyms
 is a marvellous tool to connect diverse age groups and cultures
togrther
Correct your spelling
together
. It
is seems
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seems
show examples
 to me that
this
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 is an effective approach and
music
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 plays a crucial role in
this
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 regard. To commence with,
music
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 is recognised as a universal language. It can make
such
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 an astonishing correlation between adolescents and elderly people. Notably, by listening to folk songs from other nations, you can feel emotions and the beat that the
music
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 is giving to you,
although
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some time
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sometimes
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 the listener might have some difficulties understanding the lyrics written in the
music
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due to
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 a foreign language.
Aditionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, many developed songs are related to the producer's traditions, customs and cultures and may inspire the audience to learn more about
cultural
Correct article usage
the cultural
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 aspects of the
song writer
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songwriter
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. To cite an example, many YouTubers claim that they have
influenced
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been influenced
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 by Homayoun Shajaryan songs -an Iranian singer and
song writer
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songwriter
show examples
- and they are willing to know more about
persians
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Persians
Persian
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 traditions.
On the other hand
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,
music
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 has enhanced the
boundries
Correct your spelling
boundaries
 among all age groups nowadays.
For instance
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, when people show their
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
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 in a certain type of
music
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, they can join
the
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apply
show examples
online or presence communities to make connections with individuals with the same interest in
music
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and
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apply
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sharing
Wrong verb form
share
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 their
opines
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opinions
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 and experiences and ultimately
becoming
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become
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 good friends.
Moreover
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,
music
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 is similar to a bridge, connecting elderly and young folks together and how
spectacular
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spectacularly
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 they respond to
music
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 when they hear a traditional song at
the
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apply
show examples
music
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 festivals and events and identify their
same
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apply
show examples
origins in the tune of the instruments. In conclusion, it is clear
for
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to
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 me that
music
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 can easily make a significant impact on the whole society, be
them
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it
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 young or old, it can foster a global association among mankind.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay presents a clear position and is generally well-organized, with both an introduction and a conclusion, you could enhance it by improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Each paragraph should connect smoothly with clear and explicit transition phrases.
coherence cohesion
The main points presented in the essay are relevant to the topic; however, they would benefit from a more specific and varied range of examples to fully support your argument. Aim to include concrete and detailed examples for maximum impact.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and offers a clear opinion, with comprehensive ideas. However, the response could be improved by developing those ideas further and ensuring that all parts of the task are fully covered. You should explore the topic from multiple viewpoints and show a balanced consideration of all aspects.
task achievement
Attention to grammatical accuracy is important, and errors, particularly those that might impede communication, should be avoided. Proofread your work to identify and correct errors in grammar and word choice.
task achievement
Pay particular attention to ensuring variety and accuracy in lexical resources. Expanding your vocabulary and using words precisely will give your essay greater clarity and a more academic tone.
coherence cohesion
The use of cohesive devices is essential, but they must be used appropriately. Avoid repetition of the same linking words; instead, use a range of devices to indicate relationships between ideas and create a coherent flow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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