Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is argued that
music
is a marvellous tool to connect diverse age groups and cultures togrther
. It Correct your spelling
together
is seems
to me that Change the verb form
seems
this
is an effective approach and music
plays a crucial role in this
regard.
To commence with, music
is recognised as a universal language. It can make such
an astonishing correlation between adolescents and elderly people. Notably, by listening to folk songs from other nations, you can feel emotions and the beat that the music
is giving to you, although
some time
the listener might have some difficulties understanding the lyrics written in the Replace the word
sometimes
music
due to
a foreign language. Aditionally
, many developed songs are related to the producer's traditions, customs and cultures and may inspire the audience to learn more about Correct your spelling
Additionally
cultural
aspects of the Correct article usage
the cultural
song writer
. To cite an example, many YouTubers claim that they have Correct your spelling
songwriter
influenced
by Homayoun Shajaryan songs -an Iranian singer and Add a missing verb
been influenced
song writer
- and they are willing to know more about Correct your spelling
songwriter
persians
traditions.
Change the capitalization
Persians
Persian
On the other hand
, music
has enhanced the boundries
among all age groups nowadays. Correct your spelling
boundaries
For instance
, when people show their interests
in a certain type of Fix the agreement mistake
interest
music
, they can join the
online or presence communities to make connections with individuals with the same interest in Correct article usage
apply
music
and
Correct word choice
apply
sharing
their Wrong verb form
share
opines
and experiences and ultimately Correct your spelling
opinions
becoming
good friends. Wrong verb form
become
Moreover
, music
is similar to a bridge, connecting elderly and young folks together and how spectacular
they respond to Change the word
spectacularly
music
when they hear a traditional song at the
Correct article usage
apply
music
festivals and events and identify their same
origins in the tune of the instruments.
In conclusion, it is clear Correct word choice
apply
for
me that Change preposition
to
music
can easily make a significant impact on the whole society, be them
young or old, it can foster a global association among mankind.Correct pronoun usage
it
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coherence cohesion
While your essay presents a clear position and is generally well-organized, with both an introduction and a conclusion, you could enhance it by improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Each paragraph should connect smoothly with clear and explicit transition phrases.
coherence cohesion
The main points presented in the essay are relevant to the topic; however, they would benefit from a more specific and varied range of examples to fully support your argument. Aim to include concrete and detailed examples for maximum impact.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and offers a clear opinion, with comprehensive ideas. However, the response could be improved by developing those ideas further and ensuring that all parts of the task are fully covered. You should explore the topic from multiple viewpoints and show a balanced consideration of all aspects.
task achievement
Attention to grammatical accuracy is important, and errors, particularly those that might impede communication, should be avoided. Proofread your work to identify and correct errors in grammar and word choice.
task achievement
Pay particular attention to ensuring variety and accuracy in lexical resources. Expanding your vocabulary and using words precisely will give your essay greater clarity and a more academic tone.
coherence cohesion
The use of cohesive devices is essential, but they must be used appropriately. Avoid repetition of the same linking words; instead, use a range of devices to indicate relationships between ideas and create a coherent flow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?