Some people think that an international car-free day is an effective way to reduce air pollution. Others think there are more effective ways to do this. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Many people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that international car-prohibiting
days
are an efficient method to diminish
air
pollution.
While
there might be some reasons to support their existence, I am of the opinion that there are plenty of possible remedies to address the problem. On the one hand, the idea of having international
days
without cars is beneficial to some extent. The first reason for
this
is that exhaust fumes from cars will decline. By having
days
on which people are not allowed to drive, harmful smoke and carbon emissions are reduced.
This
is
due to
the fact that private cars release those mainly.
On the other hand
, in my
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
there are plenty of methods to control
air
infection.
To begin
with, the Government should encourage residents to use
eco- friendly
Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
show examples
intermediaries
such
as bikes or
electricity
Replace the word
electric
show examples
vehicles.
This
is
due to
the fact that using eco-friendly vehicles will not only sustainably decrease the contamination of
air
for a long time, but it can
also
lead to a significant improvement of natural resources.
In addition
to
this
, the Government should plant more trees
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in the urban areas.
For example
, in some developed nations
such
as America, Germany, Australia and France, they planted a huge amount of trees so the
air
pollution issues in their countries diminished. In conclusion,
while
there are many benefits regarding car-free
days
, I still believe that it is more disadvantageous to implement some other ways for the reasons mentioned above.
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coherence cohesion
While the essay addresses the topic, the arguments could be more developed and provide richer, more specific examples. The overall structure is recognizable, but smooth transitions and a more effective use of coherence devices could strengthen the essay.
task achievement
The response is generally relevant and addresses the task prompt, but the depth of the answer could be improved. The writer should ensure that both views, as well as their own opinion, are thoroughly discussed and clearly concluded with a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • emissions standards
  • renewable energy
  • environmentally friendly
  • public transportation
  • pedestrian zones
  • commuter behavior
  • awareness
  • incentives
  • air pollution
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