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Band 5.5

People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

#people #cities #face #life #governments #move #towns
In the era of globalization and industrialization, no one can deny that a wide variety of
people
 who live in big cities are dealing with many negative aspects
day
 by
day
. There are a number of
problems
as well as
 solutions for
this
 tendency ,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a good way for the
government
 to encourage
people
 to move to regional towns.
To begin
 with, there are a large number of
problems
 that should be
concerned
Verb problem
considered
show examples
. The main negative
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
 that I would like to mention is that the expected increase in the number of inhabitants inflicts an impact on the environment. To be more  specific, in
this
day
 and age, there are rate facilities and increasing high volumes of traffic being built to serve  the high proportion  of
people
, which is the main contributor leading to many environmental
problems
such
 as air pollution, respiratory diseases,etc. Another factor  contributing to
mention
Correct article usage
the mention
show examples
 of
this
 issue is social anarchy. It means the more
people
 living in the city, the harder it is to control. Following that, the rate of crime increases quickly, which leads to imbalances in society.     Fortunately, several solutions should be taken to prevent
this
 tendency. First and foremost, the
government
 needs to  have projects about the environment and encourage
people
 to move to smaller cities.
Government
 can help
people
 to understand that living spaces have a direct impact on their mental health and how they perform at work.
Furthermore
, to control criminals, the
government
 needs to impose more severe punishments
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 crime. All in all,a wide variety of
problems
 that urban residents must face
day
 by
day
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
government
 must solve them
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
encouraging
people
  to move to smaller cities is a good way.
Submitted by vothiquynh63 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph coherently support that idea. Avoid mixing different ideas in one paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use a broader range of linking devices to improve the flow of your essay. While you have some connectives, more variety could enhance the clarity of argument transitions.
task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt, try to develop your ideas more fully with deeper analysis and exploration of the interconnectedness of the issues presented.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. These examples should be detailed and directly related to your main points, to add more substance to your claims and illustrate your points more vividly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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