IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#internet #matter #hand #people #socialise #statements
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In modern society,
communication
Use synonyms
 between individuals is really important. The
internet
Use synonyms
 is one tool that helps us to stay in each other even
though
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
when we are
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
distance
Correct article usage
a distance
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 brings some impacts to our social life where it feels like isolates us and encourages
people
Use synonyms
 not to socialise. Personally, I agree with the
internet
Use synonyms
 which brings us to advantages. In
this
Linking Words
 modern society, the development of technology
starts
Wrong verb form
has started
show examples
 to spread
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 gives
people
Use synonyms
 numerous disadvantages. Individuals begin to feel more comfortable alone rather than
hang
Wrong verb form
hanging
show examples
 out with the others since
internet
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 like social media
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 us a lot of
comforts
Fix the agreement mistake
comfort
show examples
. If
this
Linking Words
 always happens,
people
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 will start to have the feeling of laziness.
For instance
Linking Words
, 3 years ago, there was a virus disaster called
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
 that
brought
Verb problem
caused
show examples
 us to isolate
in
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves in
show examples
 our own
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
. It turned back our life from 24/7
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 in
communication
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 changed to
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 all the time. After the diseases stopped, I
have seen
Wrong verb form
saw
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
didn't want to start
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
show examples
 and
feel
Wrong verb form
felt
show examples
 anxious when going out.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology has an advantage where
communication
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 can be continued from
everywhere
Correct your spelling
anywhere
show examples
 and anytime. A decade ago,
giving
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 needed to be told directly but in these past few years, easy
communication
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are
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 helped by
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in the same Covid-19 disaster, the
communication
Use synonyms
 directly had been restricted. Fortunately, the improvement of technology helped me to stay connected with my friends and we could share each other stories without even
need
Wrong verb form
needing
show examples
 to meet.
Although
Linking Words
 the disadvantages of
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
brought
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 many individuals
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
negative impacts, the advantages of
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 can not be forgotten since it helps
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 a lot. It depends on the
people
Use synonyms
 how they will use the
internet
Use synonyms
 wisely.
Submitted by ststellaaa on

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task achievement
The introduction briefly presents the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement to outline your position. It's important to state your opinion clearly in the introduction and summarize it again in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The body paragraphs should be more clearly structured and each should contain one main idea supported by relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay should address both sides of the argument before concluding with the writer's opinion, ensuring balance and clear progression in the argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of complex sentence structures and linking words to improve the flow of the essay and make the relationships between sentences clear.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that signals the main point of the paragraph.
task achievement
The conclusion should not introduce new ideas but should summarize the main points argued in the essay and restate the writer's opinion.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address the prompt, discussing to what extent you agree or disagree. Give clear and comprehensive reasons for your views.
coherence cohesion
Stay on topic and ensure that all paragraphs are relevant to the task. Be careful not to go off-topic, especially in the conclusion.
task achievement
Support your points with specific examples. General statements are less persuasive than those supported with concrete evidence or examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and spelling. Errors can detract from the overall quality and diminish the clarity of the writing.
coherence cohesion
Work on lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and demonstrate language proficiency.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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