The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#internet #matter #hand #people #socialise #statements

In modern society,

communication

between individuals is really important. The

internet

is one tool that helps us to stay in each other even

though

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

when we are

Change preposition

show examples

distance

Correct article usage

a distance

show examples

However

, it

also

brings some impacts to our social life where it feels like isolates us and encourages

people

not to socialise. Personally, I agree with the

internet

which brings us to advantages. In

this

modern society, the development of technology

starts

Wrong verb form

has started

show examples

to spread

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

gives

people

numerous disadvantages. Individuals begin to feel more comfortable alone rather than

hang

Wrong verb form

hanging

show examples

out with the others since

internet

like social media

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

us a lot of

comforts

Fix the agreement mistake

comfort

show examples

. If

this

always happens,

people

will start to have the feeling of laziness.

For instance

, 3 years ago, there was a virus disaster called

Covid-19

Correct your spelling

COVID-19

show examples

that

brought

Verb problem

caused

show examples

us to isolate

Correct pronoun usage

ourselves in

show examples

our own

home

Fix the agreement mistake

homes

show examples

. It turned back our life from 24/7

face to face

Add a hyphen

face-to-face

show examples

communication

changed to

use

Wrong verb form

using

show examples

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

all the time. After the diseases stopped, I

have seen

Wrong verb form

saw

show examples

many

people

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

didn't want to start

communicate

Wrong verb form

communicating

show examples

and

feel

Wrong verb form

felt

show examples

anxious when going out.

On the other hand

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology has an advantage where

communication

can be continued from

everywhere

Correct your spelling

anywhere

show examples

and anytime. A decade ago,

giving

Verb problem

apply

show examples

an information

Remove the article

information

a piece of information

show examples

needed to be told directly but in these past few years, easy

communication

are

Wrong verb form

has been

show examples

helped by

Add an article

the internet

show examples

internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

For example

, in the same Covid-19 disaster, the

communication

directly had been restricted. Fortunately, the improvement of technology helped me to stay connected with my friends and we could share each other stories without even

need

Wrong verb form

needing

show examples

to meet.

Although

the disadvantages of

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

brought

Wrong verb form

bring

show examples

many individuals

Change preposition

apply

show examples

negative impacts, the advantages of

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

can not be forgotten since it helps

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

a lot. It depends on the

people

how they will use the

internet

wisely.

Submitted by ststellaaa on Thu Dec 14 2023

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task achievement

The introduction briefly presents the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement to outline your position. It's important to state your opinion clearly in the introduction and summarize it again in the conclusion.

coherence cohesion

The body paragraphs should be more clearly structured and each should contain one main idea supported by relevant examples and explanations.

coherence cohesion

The essay should address both sides of the argument before concluding with the writer's opinion, ensuring balance and clear progression in the argument.

coherence cohesion

Use a range of complex sentence structures and linking words to improve the flow of the essay and make the relationships between sentences clear.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that signals the main point of the paragraph.

task achievement

The conclusion should not introduce new ideas but should summarize the main points argued in the essay and restate the writer's opinion.

task achievement

Make sure to directly address the prompt, discussing to what extent you agree or disagree. Give clear and comprehensive reasons for your views.

coherence cohesion

Stay on topic and ensure that all paragraphs are relevant to the task. Be careful not to go off-topic, especially in the conclusion.

task achievement

Support your points with specific examples. General statements are less persuasive than those supported with concrete evidence or examples.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to grammar and spelling. Errors can detract from the overall quality and diminish the clarity of the writing.

coherence cohesion

Work on lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and demonstrate language proficiency.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

292 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Include an introduction and conclusion

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history.

In some countries , owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negativbe situation?

One problem faced by almost every large city is traffic congestion. · What do you think the causes are? · What solutions can you suggest?

The pie charts show the results of a survey in which undergraduates and postgraduates were asked about the range of books and non-printed materials in their school library.