Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Recently, the development of technology has increased
day
by day
, in particular
smartphones. Several children
may play with their phone
for a long time daily to do some activities. I would argue that it is positive for Fix the agreement mistake
phones
children
. Regarding this
issue, some reasons will be discussed in detail.
To begin
with, technological developments and demands from school are the reason why young people play with their phones each day
. In this
era, there are so many cellphones
that are useful for helping young people because Correct your spelling
cell phones
from
the Add the comma(s)
, from
phone
, children
may know about
what they want to know. The teacher as the learner sometimes gives assignments for pupils from the Change preposition
apply
phone
, and the students
have to know how to operate the smartphones. In addition
, many schools tend to obligate their students
to use handphones, for it may help students
and teachers while
they are studying. To illustrate, when covid-19
entered Indonesia in 2020, the Correct your spelling
COVID-19
students
and teacher
used applications Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
such
as zoom
Capitalize word
Zoom
, google
Correct your spelling
and Google
meet
for Capitalize word
Meet
meeting
because if they met face to face, they may be attacked by the virus covid-19.
The two main points positive of using the cellphone every Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
day
are making pupils open minded
and more creative for doing something. Add a hyphen
open-minded
Firstly
, children
with their phone
can access many websites for studying and in Fix the agreement mistake
phones
this
case may assist the student to think one step ahead because they may have known about the technology. The youngster may become a problem solver because they may have studied the problems. Subsequently
, when children
play with their cellphones
, perhaps, they watch and learn about new ideas or knowledge that may be beneficial for them. By using phones, Correct your spelling
cell phones
children
may arrange or give some ideas because they have watched the innovation.
In conclusion, smartphones are helpful for children
in helping them to learn new knowledge. They can self-study from their phone
to solve the
problems.Correct article usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
The essay somewhat follows a logical structure, but there are instances where ideas are not fully expanded upon or sequenced properly, causing some confusion for the reader. Attempt to create a clearer thread of arguments throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion in the essay, but both sections could be improved by providing a clearer thesis statement and summarising the main points more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are presented, but they need to be better supported with more detailed examples, explanations, and justifications to strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
The response addresses the task, but the discussion of whether the prevalence of smartphone use among children is a positive or negative development is unbalanced. Ensure that both aspects of the question are addressed equally and that arguments for both sides are presented if you are making a one-sided argument.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay are related to the topic but are not comprehensively developed. Work on expanding and elaborating on the ideas in greater detail to provide a depth of analysis required at a higher band level.
task achievement
The essay lacks sufficiently relevant and specific examples to illustrate the points being made. Including such examples helps to demonstrate a clearer understanding of the topic and strengthen the writer's arguments.