Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

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It is often believed that

money

Use synonyms

is the key reason to stay happy.

However

Linking Words

, some

people

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think that many can stay comfortably with less

money

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. I agree with the latter statement and will provide some key factors that contribute to it. Conflicting arguments can be made that it is important to have a luxurious lifestyle for a joyful life.

Therefore

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

spend most of their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

after

money

Use synonyms

to bring happiness

Change preposition

show examples

their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Although

Linking Words

there are some other elements that can give us the satisfaction we need.

Firstly

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, staying around the

people

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we love, who will bring the joy with their care towards us.

For example

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, if we are working hard to earn more

money

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but

at the end

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of the day there is no one to share that, we would feel lonely.

Therefore

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, if we earn less

money

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but have a family alongside us, we would not feel alone.

Secondly

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, many can have more pleasure by helping others.

For instance

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, if a doctor stays in a remote place, where he can help

people

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by doing free volunteering, he might have immense pleasure.

Although

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he will still have less

money

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, he will be happy because of his free services.

Furthermore

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, we can have pleasure by providing

foods

Fix the agreement mistake

food

show examples

clothes

Correct word choice

and clothes

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to poor

people

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or by giving free education to orphans. In conclusion, I am convinced that without having much

money

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humans can stay joyfully through their family's love and the work they do for society.

In addition

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, it will make us realise the value of relations we share with each other.

hiyepe3602Thu Dec 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

While your essay does exhibit a logical structure, it could benefit greatly from clearer topic sentences and more cohesive devices. It is important to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with appropriate use of linking words. Moreover, strive to make topic sentences that clearly state the main point of the paragraph.

task achievement

You have addressed the prompt to some extent, but there is room for improvement. Aim to fully answer all parts of the question, providing a balanced view with well-developed arguments. Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction and summarise your key points in the conclusion. Furthermore, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Promoting happiness
Essential factors
Financial stability
Material wealth
Personal fulfillment
Contentment
Basic needs
Maslow's hierarchy of needs
Social connections
Pursuing passions
Well-being
Mental health
Spiritual practices
Personal growth
Community service
Societal contribution
Philanthropy
Joy
Satisfaction
Prosperity

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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Some say that elderly people are in the best condition when they can access healthcare facilities and socialize with others. However, the reverse is the case in today's world. What are the reasons? What are the solutions?

You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you return home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. -Explain the problem. -Say why the documents are important. -Suggest a solution.

Credit card make people to indebted. Does the advantage of credit card outweigh their drawbacks.

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Nowadays, entertainers get paid more than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is this a negative or positive development?