Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?
It is often believed that
money
is the key reason to stay happy. However
, some people
think that many can stay comfortably with less money
. I agree with the latter statement and will provide some key factors that contribute to it.
Conflicting arguments can be made that it is important to have a luxurious lifestyle for a joyful life. Therefore
, people
spend most of their life
after Fix the agreement mistake
lives
money
to bring happiness in
their Change preposition
to
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Although
there are some other elements that can give us the satisfaction we need. Firstly
, staying around the people
we love, who will bring the joy with their care towards us. For example
, if we are working hard to earn more money
but at the end
of the day there is no one to share that, we would feel lonely. Therefore
, if we earn less money
but have a family alongside us, we would not feel alone.
Secondly
, many can have more pleasure by helping others. For instance
, if a doctor stays in a remote place, where he can help people
by doing free volunteering, he might have immense pleasure. Although
he will still have less money
, he will be happy because of his free services. Furthermore
, we can have pleasure by providing foods
, Fix the agreement mistake
food
clothes
to poor Correct word choice
and clothes
people
or by giving free education to orphans.
In conclusion, I am convinced that without having much money
humans can stay joyfully through their family's love and the work they do for society. In addition
, it will make us realise the value of relations we share with each other.Submitted by hiyepe3602 on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay does exhibit a logical structure, it could benefit greatly from clearer topic sentences and more cohesive devices. It is important to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with appropriate use of linking words. Moreover, strive to make topic sentences that clearly state the main point of the paragraph.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt to some extent, but there is room for improvement. Aim to fully answer all parts of the question, providing a balanced view with well-developed arguments. Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction and summarise your key points in the conclusion. Furthermore, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.