IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The health benefits of physical exercises are well known. Despite this, many people do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to encourage them to exercise regularly?

#health #exercises #people #exercise
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The significance of physical well-being is substantial.
People
 do
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of procedures to stay healthy.
However
, working 6 days a week, from 9 to 5 leaves most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 with little to no time to
exercising
Change the form of the verb
exercise
show examples
. Opening more and popularising affordable and comfortable
gym
 centres around the city would solve
this
 problem. Working
people
 usually underestimate the importance of physical exercises, giving more value to their
work
.
That is
 because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 offices, hard-working
people
 are more valued. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 fact, staying in
sitting
Correct article usage
a sitting
show examples
 position for several hours can seriously damage
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
 health.In
19th
Correct article usage
the 19th
show examples
centure
Correct your spelling
century
, when factories were first opened,
people
 worked there for up to 12-16 hours a day, which in perspective dramatically exhausted them physically.
People
 spend
third
Correct article usage
a third
show examples
 of their lifetime
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
,
therefore
work
Wrong verb form
working in
show examples
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should not damage their
healthiness
Replace the word
health
show examples
. Designated
gym
 sessions could solve the problem of
people
 not exercising regularly. If the
gym
 is comfortable at price and is located near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
’s
work
 or accommodation, the demand for them would increase significantly. The reason for
that is
,
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
 of the residents might not be ready
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the daily use of transport to get to the
gym
 or do not want to pay much to
exercising
Change the verb form
exercise
show examples
.
As a result
,
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 public gyms could make
mope
Correct your spelling
more
show examples
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do physical exercises on a regular basis.
To conclude
, the downgrade of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
population’s exercising regularly is explained by their lack of time. The mentioned problem can be solved with
constructing
Replace the word
construction
show examples
 of more public gyms. It is predicted many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries will have to take measures to fight with lack of
working out
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
.
Submitted by bolathanibalausa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clear logical structure, with well-organized paragraphs, each discussing a separate idea. You must ensure that there is a clear progression from one paragraph to the next and use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should succinctly present the main argument and summarize the key points, respectively. Your essay lacks a clear introduction that outlines the context of the discussion, as well as a coherent conclusion that draws together the threads of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support for main points should be specific and directly related to the question. Aim for clarity by developing ideas fully and illustrating them with concrete examples where appropriate. While you have made some attempts to support your points, your examples might not be entirely appropriate or fully developed in the context of the question.
task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task, providing a clear and relevant response to each question mentioned. You have provided a response but it could be more complete in addressing why people do not exercise and how to encourage them.
task achievement
Strive to present clear and comprehensive ideas in your essay. Aim to express thoughts in a way that is easily understood, without ambiguity or confusion.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. Make sure the examples are directly linked to the argument you are making and to the question.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: