IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school.Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #home #child #development #school #methods
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Nowadays,
parents
 often hesitate whether taking
children
 to
school
 is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best choice or it will be more beneficial for offspring to get
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
 at home.Some people argue,indicating various advantages that
school
 may give
kids
such
 as friends,
knowledge
Correct word choice
and knowledge
show examples
 from many subjects,
while
 others comment that home-schooling allows
kids
 to feel more
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
show examples
 and not have any
distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
show examples
 that are in
school
.
This
 essay will try to outline
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 of both methods and
at the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will share my point of view.
To begin
 with,
school
 not only provide knowledge but
also
correct
Wrong verb form
corrects
show examples
school
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 behaviour.To be more clear,
school
 teachers
also
 fill the
absense
Correct your spelling
absence
 of
children
's
parents
 and
srtive
Correct your spelling
serve
 to fix
Correct article usage
the behaviour
show examples
behaviour
Replace the word
behavioural
show examples
 problems of
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 if needed.
Thus
,the gap
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
parents
while
 they are working, teachers can
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
subtitude
Correct your spelling
substitute
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 it is
easy
Add an article
an easy
show examples
 and good way to make new friends
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 age.During their break
kids
 develop their interaction skills and get rid of complexes.Saying
thouroughly
Correct your spelling
thoroughly
,nowadays offsprings often get shy to have
talk
Add an article
a talk
show examples
 with strangers.
Hence
,there are plenty of reasons why going to
school
 will affect
kids
 positively in many aspects.
For instance
,I was
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 shy kid,I always
hide
Wrong verb form
hid
show examples
 behind my
mam
Correct your spelling
mom
show examples
 when somebody
wants
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 to talk
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 me,
fortunetly
Correct your spelling
fortunately
 the problem
solved
Add a missing verb
was solved
show examples
 by attending
school
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand,by home-schooling
kids
 are fully concentrated
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
study
Correct article usage
the study
show examples
proccess
Correct your spelling
process
,
while
 in
school
 having talkative classmates can disturb
children
 having engagement in
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
.In
another words
Replace the adjective
another word
other words
show examples
,offsprings use all
study
Correct pronoun usage
their study
show examples
 time
effecitevly
Correct your spelling
effectively
.
Moreover
,
children
 feel free to ask questions if something is not completely
comrehendable
Correct your spelling
comprehensible
comprehendible
 for them and
parents
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 get tired
to explain
Change preposition
of explaining
show examples
 one more time.
Thus
,
comfort
Replace the word
a comfortable
show examples
atmospher
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 might have
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 role for
kids
 in terms of
studiing
Correct your spelling
studying
.
For instance
,my uncle and his wife
able
Add a missing verb
were able
show examples
 to teach their child 4 year
school
 program within 3 years. Taking everything into account,both methods have their advantages and disadvantages and it is subjective what method is better.From my point of view,
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 of going to
school
 outweigh home-schooling good sides.
Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of the essay. It should set the stage for the discussion.
logical structure
Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices accurately and effectively throughout the essay to link ideas and paragraphs together.
supported main points
Develop main points with specific details and examples to support your arguments. Each main point should be elaborated sufficiently.
complete response
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task prompt, providing a complete and relevant response to each aspect of the question.
clear comprehensive ideas
Organize ideas clearly and logically, and make sure that the position is consistently relevant throughout the essay.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant examples to illustrate your points, drawing on personal experience or general knowledge to support your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tailored learning
  • peer pressure
  • flexibility
  • instill values
  • socialization
  • communication skills
  • specialized facilities
  • extracurricular activities
  • diversity
  • structured environment
  • customized education
  • well-rounded education
What to do next:
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