IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that creating a new bullet train and investing money in is a crucial thing.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the bullet train railway will help a lot of
people
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 in the future, there is
also
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 an argument that investment should be on improving existing public
transport
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.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, railway lines will help improve
people
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's lives in the future.
In other words
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, for
people
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 who have various jobs in different cities, bullet trains will help them to move between these countries without any worries.
In addition
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, it will help them,
such
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 as they will not be tired because they don't have to go for
ride
Fix the agreement mistake
rides
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 for long hours and it will be useful and convenient as well.
For example
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, in Saudi Arabia, we have a train railway connecting various cities like Jeddah, Medina and Makkah, and from
this
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 invention,
people
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 could move between them comfortably.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who think that the government should improve public
transport
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 many important reasons, moving between streets to another is one of the reasons for them to consider.
Also
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, some individuals
sanctifies
Correct subject-verb agreement
sanctify
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 private life, so we can say that maybe they want the government to invest in roads because of their car and some roads will destroy the only
transport
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 thing they have.
For instance
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, 90% of Indian
people
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 always complain about their roads and the limitations of public
transport
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 because not all of them have the ability to buy their own cars.
To sum up
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, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question because everyone has their own life. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that it is essential for the government to consider and invest funds in the railways but keeping in mind to consider
people
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's social lives, some of them are poor and don't have the ability to buy a ticket.
Also
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, it is important to improve public
transport
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 so the movement between cities can be easy.

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task achievement
The essay could improve by providing more specific examples for each point discussed, ensuring that each argument is fully developed.
task achievement
Work on ensuring the main ideas are fully developed and supported within each paragraph to clarify your position.
coherence cohesion
The cohesion of your essay can be improved with more defined transitions between contrasting viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
The introduction successfully sets up the discussion and outlines both viewpoints clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-rounded conclusion that reflects on the discussed points and gives a balanced opinion.
task achievement
Clear examples, such as the reference to Saudi Arabian public transport, help illustrate points well.
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