In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Achievement is given a huge press. Implying you can achieve anything in your life if you want. Nowadays, parents are applauding their children
to be
Change preposition
for being
show examples
ambitious and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
dreams.
For achieving
Change preposition
To achieve
show examples
this
Linking Words
success, they add an exception, too which is
endeavour
Add an article
an endeavour
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
idea stimulates some opponents and proponents.
Initially
Linking Words
,
human
Correct article usage
a human
show examples
needs
ambition
Change the article
the ambition
show examples
to
countinuing
Correct your spelling
continuing
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life. One of the modern
phenomenon
Change to a plural noun
phenomena
show examples
is the American Dream. We heard about it when we were a child and did not have any vivid imagination about it.
According to
Linking Words
the advertisements,
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
Dream could happen for absolutely everyone. You may be a poor worker in a developing country where there is not any chance for your future progress, but striking and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
a specific schedule could help you to change
this
Linking Words
dream into
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
reality. So transmitting
this
Linking Words
notion to
off springs
Correct your spelling
offspring
show examples
could be beneficial for them to have a new
percepective
Correct your spelling
perspective
toward their life. On the flip side, there are some proponents who believe that if you encourage kids to make a hypothetical castle in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
mind,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
will have varied problems in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, consider a kid who was born in a deprived area. It is clearly evident that the percentage of his success is lower than a juvenile who is living in a
metropolise
Correct your spelling
metropolis
enjoys
Correct word choice
and enjoys
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
disparate
accebilities
Correct your spelling
abilities
such
Linking Words
as
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
educational system and various positions for working.
However
Linking Words
, injecting a sense of
proud
Replace the word
pride
show examples
is crucial for youth and has a pivotal
rule
Correct your spelling
role
show examples
in their future, it could be destructive and aimless in some cases.
Last
Linking Words
but not least, we should not forget about
globalozation
Correct your spelling
globalisation
which
close
Correct subject-verb agreement
closes
show examples
us together more and more in
comaprison
Correct your spelling
comparison
to previous decades.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the only thing
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
impossible is impossibility.
Overall
Linking Words
, despite some disadvantages that might occur, encouraging children to try as hard as possible is not only beneficial
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
vital for our society.
Submitted by tg.persian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and distinct, and that they reflect the overall argument of your essay. The introduction must set the stage for the discussion and make your position clear, while the conclusion should effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance on the issue.
Logical Structure
Develop a logical structure by organizing your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. Use a variety of cohesive devices to transition between ideas and paragraphs effectively.
Main Point Support
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. General statements should be augmented with concrete details that illustrate your argument convincingly.
Task Response
Address all parts of the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages equally. Each side should be explored with relevant examples and analysis to ensure a balanced response.
Clear Ideas
Articulate ideas clearly and comprehensively, using a range of vocabulary and sentence structures. Avoid overly general or vague language by being as precise and detailed as possible.
Relevant Examples
Use specific examples to fully illustrate your points. These can come from your personal experiences, hypothetical scenarios, or well-known case studies that add depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: